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Where there’s a Willis…

tcr! · Dec 2, 2017 at 12:20 pm

Where there's a Willis

I think Maggie nailed it. What else could the cup mean?

#photos #maggie #brucewillis #chipotle

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I don’t consider myself high maintenance (cont)

tcr! · Dec 2, 2017 at 10:41 am

To clarify…

I won’t use forks or spoons in any bowls unless they’re made of plastic. Not the flatware but the bowl itself.

I only eat from plastic bowls. If I don’t have any clean plastic bowls, I’ll find a tupperware container before using a ceramic bowl.

#thestruggleisreal

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I don’t consider myself high maintenance

tcr! · Dec 1, 2017 at 4:55 pm

Audio (MP3): 20171201 - I dont consider myself high maintenance

However…

I don’t like anything touching my feet. Except socks. Or other footwear. I don’t even touch my own feet. Unless I have to.

I won’t look at my belly button. It’s on its own as far as I’m concerned.

About 18 months ago I threw away every Q-tip in my house. I won’t even say their name out loud.

At least once a week I think about shaving my eyebrows. But I don’t because I have an office to go to every workday.

Every workday I eat one banana and one apple. Sometimes when I get home I’ll have another apple but never another banana.

I won’t use forks or spoons in any bowls unless they’re made of plastic. Not the flatware but the bowl itself.

I use my bedroom closet for miscellaneous storage and keep all of my clothes in a basement closet. Because that’s where the washer and dryer are.

That’s the shortlist.

What have you got?

#thestruggleisreal #diariespodcast

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Break On Through by The Doors

tcr! · Dec 1, 2017 at 11:01 am

Audio (MP3): 20171201 - Break On Through by The Doors

Peeps, here’s your the-gate-is-straight Friday jam.

Listening to The Doors when I was 9 and 10 opened up my musical world so much more than bands like the Beatles did. Don’t get me wrong, I love yellow submarines as much as the next u-boat commander but I met the darkly cool poet persona in songs like The End and Waiting for the Sun. I became all too familiar with the torture of losing friends, and of longing for closure when I was a teenager.

Hearing Morrison sing, “waiting for you to tell me what went wrong” still resonates with me as much as it did when I was in junior high. I could relate to that so much more than when Lennon and McCartney sang, “I wanna hold your hand.” I never held girls’ hands in school.

Along with the vocals and lyrics in Break on Through, the gritty distorted guitar, the vox continental organ, the bossa nova drums always remind me of driving, accelerating, smashing through whatever it is that keeps me locked up inside myself.

Powerful stuff when you’re a kid.

Anyways, put on some headphones, find your other side. 😊

#musicvideos #thedoors #diariespodcast

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Dec 1st, 2017 at 7:55:24 am

tcr! · Dec 1, 2017 at 7:55 am

Red clown nose on Dec 1st

Happy Dec 1st, peeps! I’m celebrating commedia dell’arte. Rudolph jokes are out of the question.

#photos #clowning #happyfriday

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PechaKucha Night (cont)

tcr! · Nov 30, 2017 at 11:03 pm

Audio (MP3): 20171130 - PechaKucha Night (cont)

In follow up to tonight’s earlier PechaKucha Night in Batavia

This lady was eating popcorn with complete disregard for public safety
This lady was eating popcorn with complete disregard for public safety

I was sitting in a room full of people that obviously have the same kind of interests that I do. But I didn’t know anybody. So I did the next rational thing which is to get on my phone, post on Facebook, and visit the event website. For some reason I had it in the back of my mind this was all related to anime or Pokémon or something.[1]

I was quite wrong. It’s more akin to TED Talks but it gives everyone a chance to present. “Great!” I thought non-sarcastically.

I read more from the FAQ. This Q/A stood out:

Is PechaKucha Night a social network?

We believe there is nothing social about online social networks, so get out from behind your screen and get to a live event, with real people, real communication…

Oh.

So there I was at a live event, reading from the event website that I should put down my phone and socialize.

This is a tricky scenario for me. I don’t do well in groups of people, even more so when I don’t know the humans. It’s part of the story when I relapsed. I want to hang out with other like-minded people but group settings make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. Overstimulated. Like I’m in a swimming pool and there’s constant splashing. And too many people talking. And I have water in my ears. And there’s beach balls flying around. And I’m trying to keep myself from drowning. Maybe it’s not exactly like that but it’s close.

Drinking makes social gatherings easier. It lubes the conversations with people I don’t know. It feels like I’m wearing a life jacket when I drink. It takes the edge off. And I have too many edges. Too much shame and too many bullies when I was a kid or something. I doubt if I’ll ever feel confident or at ease in public.

And then also drinking makes me feel normal around other people. Like I fit in then. I’m part of a tribe that I’ve never belonged to. When I relapsed I was in a similar situation, a venue serving alcohol, surrounded by creative people enjoying themselves. And I was out of place. Without social skills. I didn’t know how to swim. And then I got a drink. And then the pool party wasn’t that hard. It wasn’t really a pool party but you get the analogy. And then that one drink last for ten years.

But I wanted to be at tonight’s PechaKucha event, wanted to get to know people in the area other than those in recovery. Not that there’s anything wrong with the latter but I also have a magnetic attraction to another set of people, ones who are artistically passionate. Because we’re similar. Same expressive wavelength. The art makers and art lovers. I’ve got something to say creatively, just as they do.

When I read the “get out from behind your screen” line I knew that I was doing it wrong. So I put my phone away and walked over to the greeter who had taken my money when I came in. I asked her how I could get one of the name badges some people were wearing. The lady told me those people were either helping out with the event or presenting that night. I asked her what time would I get to present. Because when I feel awkward I make jokes. She smiled and told me that I needed to fill out a form and maybe I could present at the next event in February. That was good enough.

I then saw Jaime and his wife across the room. He had invited me so I was happy to see him. And he wasn’t with a group of people. I hate when I feel like I’m standing on the perimeter, waiting for my turn to talk. I won’t even bother with that anymore.

Anyways Jaime, his wife, and I had a nice chat about the event and then meditation which was kinda surprising. But cool. Then the presentations got underway.

I left the event a little early to go to a 12 step meeting. I enjoyed myself at PechaKucha, got a dose of artistic socializing but it’s important for me to remember that if I hang around non-alcoholics too much there’s a good chance I’ll start to think that I’m non-alcoholic as well. But I’m not. When I drink at social gatherings I continue drinking afterward at home. On a Thursday night, well past my bedtime. And then when non-alcoholics are having their morning coffee I’m having a morning drink.

So I guess my takeaway for the night is that it’s important for me to get out. Replenish my artistic well. If I sit at home I’ll have nothing to write about, nothing to talk about. Other than my sad songs from yesterday. Well that’s not completely true but you get the point.

And finally social skills are like any other. I won’t be good at them unless I practice. Put myself out there. Go outside. (Albert gasp).

#pechakucha #socialproblems #alcoholism #lettherebehope #diariespodcast


  1. Maybe because I was pronouncing PechaKucha like Pikachu. That little yellow guy with the black tipped ears.

2 comments

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Dec 8, 2017 at 2:45 am

thank you t.

tcr! tcr! · Dec 9, 2017 at 7:23 am

Yep 😊

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PechaKucha Night in Batavia

tcr! · Nov 30, 2017 at 6:28 pm

Pecha Kucha Night in Batavia

I’ve never been to something like this before but it’s Volume 9 so I’m assuming it’s good.

PechaKucha Night (continued) →

#photos #pechakucha #goteam

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Giant Sequoia not doing so hot

tcr! · Nov 30, 2017 at 4:32 pm

Giant Sequoia not doing so hot

My giant sequoia isn’t doing so hot. When the weather started getting colder I needed to take him off the window shelf. It’s way too chilly to be in between the window and the curtain.

The downside to him hanging out with the other plants on the kitchen table is that he’s not in full sun all day. He loved that sunshine all day, every day.

It only took a few weeks on the table before he’d lost most of his branches and color. I was hoping the grow light would resurrect him but his prognosis is looking grim.

As Sara said though, “maybe this is why we don’t have giant sequoias in Illinois.”

#photos #trees

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Franken now groping asleep soldier

tcr! · Nov 30, 2017 at 9:10 am

Fifth Accuser: Army Vet Claims Al Franken Groped Her in 2003 - Breitbart

Fifth Accuser: Army Vet Claims Al Franken Groped Her in 2003 - Breitbart

Army veteran Stephanie Kemplin told left-wing CNN Thursday that Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) groped her breast in 2003 while the two of them took a photo together. At the time, Kemplin was stationed in Kuwait during the Iraq War. The married Franken was on a USO tour.

“When he put his arm around me, he groped my right breast. He kept his hand all the way over on my breast,” Kemplin told CNN. “I’ve never had a man put their arm around me and then cup my breast. So he was holding my breast on the side.” She said Franken held his hand there for at least 5 to 10 seconds.

Kemplin is now the fifth woman to accuse the Democrat of touching her inappropriately. All four of Franken’s previous accusers also claim that the groping occurred while taking a photograph with the disgraced senator. One of the women, though, Leeann Tweeden was asleep when the groping occurred, also during a USO tour.

Holy shit. What is wrong with people.

#meanwhile #alfranken

3 comments

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Dec 8, 2017 at 2:49 am

yeah, i’m so disappointed in him.
and the whole “shaming people who are passed out” thing i saw a little of and it was too much.
i don’t understand so much.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 9, 2017 at 7:22 am

When I look back on when I was a teenager and did stupid things I kinda get it. I was young and dumb. But grown men acting juvenile, it makes me think that something has seriously stunted their emotional growth.

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Dec 9, 2017 at 7:39 am

Grown, SOBER man. No excuse. I mean it’s a limp goddam excuse but if he’d been drunk or fucked up he could at least run off to a treatment center.

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Nov 30th, 2017 at 3:26:08 am

tcr! · Nov 30, 2017 at 3:26 am

And then she said to me in a pointed kinda way, “thank you.” As if it was about time I did something right.

Really, I don’t know how she meant it but that’s what it felt like afterward.

#relationships #allislost

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