I hadn’t boughten a pack in maybe over six months. My ecig fits the bill. Mostly.
Something felt missing as I was making my way home. Not like a fundamental thing but more a minor detail, a bow on a present, a knot on a shoe. A sentence without a period.
Regardless of the horrible taste, the everywhere ashes, the smoke in my eyes — smoking feels right. The cigarette felt right in my hand. It felt right on my lips. The smoke felt right in my lungs. I felt right with the world.
And that feeling of “right” terrorizes alcoholics and addicts their whole lives once they’ve tapped into it.
There’s no going back. Something will always feel missing because we know.
it is strongly identifying with, IE: “I KNOW”. it isn’t good or bad. fill-in-the-blank is a disease. we didn’t ask for it. etc. in other news: ELO doesn’t like the feeling of narcotics. i was talking to a dr. who only uses his first name and he told me that blank per cent of the population enjoys alcohol, and others don’t. blank per cent of the population enjoys (experiences the effects of as pleasureable) marijuana. and the per cent goes up exponentially for opiates and cocaine. myself? i felt left out a time or two and tried to like tobacco. it makes me deathly ill. i feel nausea and my head spins. i strongly enjoy the feeling of opiates and marijuana. i can usually stand the effects of alcohol. i love sugar and i can eat my weight in shreeump. (my cousins from the gulf coast said this and i was profoundly tickled.) :}
and on another plane, the skull looks exactly like me. take a look at me and my little brother don. now just imagine that not only are the whiskas not there, but neither is the fat, skin, and muscle. or the fate. i gave up early, it’s true, but gravity has won. don is 13 months younger than me. he’s got 2 kids and one grandchild. i got 2 cats and a pernicious…case of arthritis. i am at least an inch taller than don but you’d never know it anymore. like the knights of columbus and those silly red capes, i been itching to use pernicious in a goddam sentence. and you know how i love my elipsi…
i drove across to iowa on saturday and returned on monday. it was like this. no humidity. no rain. i was stark raving sober and i felt like driving off a cliff… that’s a comment on how i feel a little off when things are good. begin to feel a need to punish myself.
I’ve never been in a hog processing plant. When I lived in Iowa I knew people who had though. Knew people who worked the second and third shifts. Knew people who worked on the kill floor. Work comes up in conversation as it does now and then and every once in a while I’d hear stories.
If a story provokes me hard enough I’ll form a complicated, detailed mental playhouse of it. And it’ll stick like glue, turn into an everlasting memory that my imagination makes all too real. It’ll become part of my story. Follow me around like gum on my shoe. For life.
I often accidentally think of the hogs in whatever warehouse room they’re herded into before they actually got to the kill floor. Again, I’ve never been in such a place but I get sucked into the dirty, gritty gum when the hogs beckon.
When stolen lived here she and I both had our own parking spots in front of the house. Nothing formal, just spots we had fallen into parking.
It became common for me to glance out the kitchen window and see The Cube in her spot. There was a reassurance when I would see it, know that she was here.
Other times I would unintentionally look out the window to see if she was home yet from work.
After she moved out and my eyes wandered to that kitchen window, I’d feel a tug at my heart strings seeing that void, that empty spot.
Over the last few days I’ve started parking where she once did because that’s the better spot. I’m still getting used to seeing my truck there because it feels unnatural.
FEATURING PARTS 1 AND 2 OF “BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS” SAGA! From the chronicles of the DC Universe comes the sweeping saga of rebirth, revenge and redemption.
What makes this issue really significant, however, is that to my knowledge, it’s the first time Batman’s co-creator, Bill Finger, has received a cover credit for the original Batman story.
Finger is, of course, the writer of the earliest Batman comics, whose contributions to the creation of the Dark Knight include the costume and color scheme, the origin story, the lack of superpowers, the words “Batmobile” and “Gotham City,” Robin, the Joker, and numerous other elements. Unfortunately, due to some legal trickery by his collaborator and actual supervillain Bob Kane, Finger’s never been officially identified with a “Batman created by” credit in any published works or films or other Batman media.
Somehow I missed this in my internet travels of 2014.
I had always believed that Kane was the sole force behind Batman. Okay, so maybe Batman was his initial idea but the “created by” part is misleading. Much of what makes Batman who he is is his story, his parents being shot, him being a vigilante and so on. Those things fall into the creation bucket as far as I’m concerned.
Bob Kane was one of my heroes and this took him down a few notches in my book.
jimi hindrance experience
Momma J
tism
Jaheezius Henry Christ. On a Pogo Stick.
Reply
Post
I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. 😀
Reply
Post
it is strongly identifying with, IE: “I KNOW”. it isn’t good or bad. fill-in-the-blank is a disease. we didn’t ask for it. etc. in other news: ELO doesn’t like the feeling of narcotics. i was talking to a dr. who only uses his first name and he told me that blank per cent of the population enjoys alcohol, and others don’t. blank per cent of the population enjoys (experiences the effects of as pleasureable) marijuana. and the per cent goes up exponentially for opiates and cocaine. myself? i felt left out a time or two and tried to like tobacco. it makes me deathly ill. i feel nausea and my head spins. i strongly enjoy the feeling of opiates and marijuana. i can usually stand the effects of alcohol. i love sugar and i can eat my weight in shreeump. (my cousins from the gulf coast said this and i was profoundly tickled.) :}
Reply
Post
tcrbang! contest: i’ve boughten into the whole concept and i’ve gotten good at it. ~~~~ :)
Reply
Post
and on another plane, the skull looks exactly like me. take a look at me and my little brother don. now just imagine that not only are the whiskas not there, but neither is the fat, skin, and muscle. or the fate. i gave up early, it’s true, but gravity has won. don is 13 months younger than me. he’s got 2 kids and one grandchild. i got 2 cats and a pernicious…case of arthritis. i am at least an inch taller than don but you’d never know it anymore. like the knights of columbus and those silly red capes, i been itching to use pernicious in a goddam sentence. and you know how i love my elipsi…
Reply
Post