· Aug 1, 2014 at 5:49 pm
There comes a time in everyone’s life when alarm clocks just don’t get the job done. It doesn’t matter how loud we make them, how many times we hit the snooze button or what kind of vibration pattern our phones are on.
It’s evident that we haven’t found a fully-effective way to wake ourselves up without hating our lives for the first two hours of being awake. I’m sure we can all relate to that!
However, painful awakenings might be coming to an end thanks to this spiffy alarm clock called the “Barisieur.”
As soon as I got my first glimpse, I was all like…
· Jul 31, 2014 at 11:17 pm
Maggie writes, “Why do I have such crazy parents?”
This could be in response to me saying earlier, “the moral of the story is dad freaks out.”
In related news, even earlier we had this brief conversation…
Me: Do you need ten blankets?
· Jul 31, 2014 at 12:27 pm
We’re all pretending, all the time. Putting on our suits, picking up our car keys, and going forth into the world. Humming the theme from that cartoon we used to watch, and sometimes missing our mothers. We are all unprepared, just as I was for my father’s earnest question.
Every so often my dad will ask my opinion of something but usually it’s trivial, something he could’ve found the answer to himself. I think he does such for conversation and maybe sometimes when he doesn’t want to actually look for the answer himself — nothing wrong with that to me.
I’m mildly curious though, if he’ll ever ask my thoughts on something really big, something monumentally important to him.
In related news, I’ve “never laid claim to adulthood” either.
Maggie and I were laying on her bed last night and her mom remarked that she was almost as long as me. I didn’t know what to say. Often I’m dumbfounded when reality reminds me of my nine years of fatherhood.
· Jul 31, 2014 at 9:42 am
House Republicans officially gave Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) their seal of approval on Wednesday to sue President Barack Obama, marking the first time in U.S. history that a chamber of Congress has endorsed a lawsuit against a president. The House adopted the resolution by a vote of 225-201. Five Republicans joined a unanimous Democratic conference to vote against the measure. They were Reps. Thomas Massie (R-KY), Walter Jones (R-NC), Paul Broun (R-GA), Steve Stockman (R-TX) and Scott Garrett (R-NJ).
The lawsuit’s about Obamacare for fuck’s sake.
See also: Obama Dismisses Boehner’s ‘Stunt’ Lawsuit.
· Jul 29, 2014 at 11:36 am
Prepare to enter a world of pure imagination this October, as veteran thrash-funk eccentrics Primus release their eighth studio album, a wall to (lickable) wall tribute to the 1971 musical Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The clanging, ill-angled LP, titled Primus and the Chocolate Factory with the Fungi Ensemble, will be released on October 21st on ATO, but a pre-order is currently available. It will be the first album-length release from the classic, multi-platinum lineup — leader Les Claypool, guitarist Larry Lalonde and drummer Tim “Herb” Alexander — since 1995.
· Jul 28, 2014 at 8:56 am
According to the Liberty Way, homosexual behavior was strictly prohibited, as were all sexual relationships outside of marriage. The consequence of spreading one’s seed wasn’t excommunication, but was of a financial nature: Sex, or any violation of the Liberty Way, earned a student a certain number of demerits. To remain in good academic standing, you had to get these demerits off of your record, and the only way to do that was to pay. When I was there, I think the fine was $10 per demerit on any over four. So the price wasn’t steep. But the real consequence—and the administration knew this—was having to put up with classmates who knew about your transgression. Not that they would judge you (not all of them) but they would pray for you, usually publicly: “I don’t really want to say who and embarrass him, because he’s my roommate and brother in Christ, but please remember him in prayer, because he’s struggling with homosexuality.”
It’s lengthy but a good read.