Audio (MP3): 20170712 - I've lit my life on fire

If you haven’t heard this story, you’re in luck.

The first week or so I was sober I was sitting in a meeting and said, “I’ve lit my life on fire.”

When I was drinking I wasn’t capable of caring because I was drunk and numb to my life burning. But being freshly sober I was like, “Oh my fucking god. My life is on fire.” I was freaking out, anxious all the time, having panic attacks… And I really, really didn’t want my life to burn down.

As I was talking during that meeting, I was looking around the room and most people were nodding because they, too, had set their lives on fire at one time or another. Knowing that others could relate to what I’d done and how I was feeling gave me some hope. It made me feel accepted, that I was in the right place. My whole life I’d waited to belong somewhere and now I finally had. On more than a superficial level.

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You’re not the boss of me.

#photos #nicetry

I’m sorry but I just can’t get behind people who are sulking and pouting that their lives are so horrible while floating around in their swimming pools. In Southern California no less. On a weekday. In the middle of the afternoon.

#thatstruggleisnotreal

I’ve never been happier in my whole life after coming home from work…

PS- if you’re reading this, you’re invited.

♥️ #photos #cake

Why yes, I will have a Super Bon Bon while driving home from work.

#nowplaying #soulcoughing

My day has taken a turn for the worse and it’s not even 9am.

#musicvideos #kirstendunst

Audio (MP3): 20170709 - Retaliatory Manuscript

And then there was that one time I was so full of hurt and rage that I wrote a letter equally as hurting and raging. Paper soaking wet with piss and vinegar. Stabbed dead with my pen.

And then I was out in my garage smoking with letter in hand, still seething, feeling as if my head were about to collapse in on itself.

So I lit said retaliatory manuscript on fire and tossed it into the trash can, hoping my pain would disappear in the smoke and I’d be left with ashes inside and out.

I watched mildly satisfied as the flames slowly engulfed my writings. Not overly satisfied but that would do, pig.

And then the trash can caught on fire because it was made of solid plastic. And then I thought I might’ve taken it a little too far as I frantically tried to snuff the fire before the neighbors saw.

I don’t remember what I did with the burnt, buckled trash can.

#confessional #diariespodcast

Sunday night in summah…

#photos #bikes

I’m nosey so I like to get up close and personal with the flowers. That’s where the real story is. 😉

#photos #flowers #forsale

Get the first print Get the second print

The neighbors hired a team to redo the landscaping in their yard. Another neighbor frequently visited, gesturing with what appeared to be weed removal and mulch placement. Possibly grand plans for a complete lawn makeover.

At one point she was sitting on the truck’s tailgate drinking from a Coleman one gallon water jug. Most likely not hers as I’ve only seen her shuffle either an open beer or one of those gallon boxed wines around.

I’m not passing judgment only making observations, documenting neighborhood activities.

However, I will say that having a wine box sitting slightly off center in one’s front yard while holding a wine glass a little shy of 45 degrees and feverishly smoking one after the other in the middle of summer on a day just like today… with a diagonal walk, the hurried kind of pace, hurried only to resist the forces of gravity but gravity’s pen just might be mightier than one’s sword as one’s physical abilities just might be impaired…

Well, I’ll let that be your call.

In related weather news it’s mostly sunny today. High in the mid to low 80s. Zero chance of precipitation and 7 mph winds. Perfect day for yard work.

Perfect day to boss your neighbor’s crew around.

#meanwhile #weather #homeimprovement