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Alarm clock crazy, no thanks

tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:00 am

Audio (MP3): 20180222 - Alarm clock crazy, no thanks

tcr! at Denny's on Dec 22, 2017
Denny’s circa Dec 22, 2017

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
— Step 2 of Alcoholics Anonymous

The drug and alcohol treatment center I went to in the early 90s was 12-step based. Their treatment plan was to have patients complete the first five steps in order to graduate. When working Step Two, we spent a good chunk of time making lists of how and why we were insane. Those lists were easy to make but in the here-and-now I kinda think they missed the point.

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46 comments

keamoose keamoose · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:09 am

Have you heard this one? I don’t know if you like Johnny Cash, but I think the lyrics will mean something to you.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 1:42 pm

I’m about 50/50 with my Cash likings but that one was pretty good.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:04 pm

I just looked up the origin of the song, and apparently he wrote it in rehab, so I guess that explains why the wording is so similar to step 2. πŸ€”

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 7:17 am

Yep, I got that feeling. Nothing wrong with being heavily inspired though… 😊

keamoose keamoose · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:08 am

Oh, I didn’t mean to imply there was anything wrong with that. I just never realized what the song was about until yesterday. 😊

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:47 am

Ah gotcha… I think the “πŸ€”” threw me off.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 23, 2018 at 9:02 am

Ah, my bad. I meant it like “I am thinking about this new information”. πŸ™‚

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 11:40 am

All good!

The steps have been engrained in me since maybe 1982 so whenever I see the phrase “came to believe” that’s where my mind automatically goes.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 23, 2018 at 11:49 am

Ah, see for me it’s all new, so your posts are creating all sorts of new mental connections between existing information and artworks I previously didn’t realize were related. I mean, much like learning anything else new, it gets all connected up with the old stuff and changes how you see it.

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tism tism · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:13 am

Thanks for sharing t.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:50 am

Thanks for reading 😊

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Monohon · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:32 am

I know you probably hate hearing this but Though I didn’t know you that long you always seemed to be a little brother to me and I’m so glad you are doing so well!

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:51 am

Yep, you always were a good older brother!

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ubelievewhat · Feb 22, 2018 at 12:03 pm

Thanks for the words. Man, I feel like I needed to hear this. Really powerful. As someone who struggles with life, and working my fourth now. I think I’m starting to get it, or “peak behind the curtain” so to speak.

To me it wasn’t the booze or the substance, it was within me all along.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 2:15 pm

Yep, totally me that was causing my own suffering. :)

ubelievewhat · Feb 23, 2018 at 6:42 am

Well, i mean i dont know the context of your situation or you. But I just know how it all relates back to me. I tried to live without a program-AA or otherwise. It didnt do me any favors.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:23 am

Yep, I totally get what you’re saying.

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Kelly K · Feb 22, 2018 at 1:28 pm

Fantastic!

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 1:36 pm

Thank you!

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eamor · Feb 22, 2018 at 3:51 pm

Oh man this is beautiful written. It oozes serenity and peace. I can literally feel that moment. Thanks for sharing.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 8:24 am

Thank you!

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AHeien82 · Feb 22, 2018 at 4:19 pm

Thank you for sharing that, it sounds like you have kept your sobriety strong in the face of adversity! I’ve always taken point with the word insanity in recovery, because I think that it has a connotation of mental disease. I know my actions while drinking could have been considered insane by the standard “Doing the same thing, expecting different results” but when I got to the second step like yourself, I was looking more for inspiration in moving towards a higher power instead of dredging up my insane actions and using them to look outside myself. Maybe that’s just my ego, wanting to avoid looking at my character defects, but I think that is pretty well covered in the fourth step, haha. Thanks again!

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:29 am

Yep, I think we’re trained to look for the negative. It’s familiar and comfortable. My sponsor used to remind me of the quote that’s along the lines of, “we won’t find the light by endlessly researching the dark.”

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Myexisacheatingwhore · Feb 22, 2018 at 4:41 pm

Damn. I really really really needed this. Damn. Thank you.

As someone just coming out of that dark forest of ruined past relationships, trekking through it and feeling every painful second was worth it. The personal growth I have gained, the insight, was worth it.

It wasn’t fun though, and at certain points I thought I was permanently broken and fucked. I was emotionally insane and obsessive. Living in the past and concocting grandiose plans for the future. It’s still hard sometimes, but giving it all over to my higher power, whatever that may be, has very likely saved my life. My life is not what I ever thought it would be, and not even want I want it to be, but damn I’m grateful I made out of that forest.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:24 am

> but damn I’m grateful I made out of that forest

For sure. My recovery isn’t so much all the wonderful things I have now. It’s more about all the horrible things I don’t.

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Mona · Feb 22, 2018 at 6:52 pm

Great explanation of how it works.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 11:15 pm

Thanks!!

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sunshinefiend · Feb 23, 2018 at 12:17 am

Thank so much for that. I recently relapsed after some length of recovery & I am just baffled at how much I bypassed in my foundation steps. I was so desperate and broken when I came in, I was convinced that my horror stories are what made me need this program. With very fresh eyes I can see your point here and I really needed to hear it tonight. Thanks

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:28 am

You are most welcome! Also, I was sober for a couple of years before I found out the hard way I didn’t have a real belief in a higher power. The good news is that after abandoning myself to God and working the steps I’ve been healed and made whole.

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marney0160 marney0160 · Feb 23, 2018 at 9:54 pm

I love the stuff you write!! πŸ’—

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 11:02 pm

Thanks! You’re the best!

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jlcrawford · Feb 24, 2018 at 8:21 am

Nicely stated.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 24, 2018 at 9:07 am

Thanks!

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lisa8 · Feb 24, 2018 at 10:25 pm

The God that shines thru you is THE BOMB my friend. Awesome shareπŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

Kelly K · Feb 24, 2018 at 10:52 pm

I miss you lisa8!

lisa8 · Feb 24, 2018 at 11:06 pm

I miss you too girl!! πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“πŸ’“

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cc19 · Feb 26, 2018 at 9:28 am

Beautiful truth, thank you for sharing this. And now every time I see a Denny’s…

tcr! tcr! · Feb 26, 2018 at 9:36 am

Thank you!!

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MAW · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:31 pm

The Sunday Grapevine meeting in Eugene OR, 5pm PT, would like to know what “alarm clock crazy” is.

tcr! tcr! · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:33 pm

I used the phrase “alarm clock crazy” to describe the kind of crazy that would make me wake up my ex-wife at 6 in the morning. Like that I was her alarm clock that day. πŸ™‚ Does that make sense?

MAW · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:33 pm

Yes. That does. Thank you. Good story — you were today’s meeting

tcr! tcr! · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:34 pm

You are most welcome! Oh wow, that’s so awesome! I feel completely blessed.

MAW · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:34 pm

I’m glad to “meet” you. I’m from the McHenry area

tcr! tcr! · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:35 pm

I lived in Portland, Oregon for about six years in the 2000s. Now I live in a Chicago suburb, so I’m not familiar with your area. But nice to meet you as well!

MAW · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:36 pm

Have a good night

tcr! tcr! · Aug 30, 2020 at 11:36 pm

You, too!

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It’s hard not to project human emotions onto our pets

tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 7:49 am

Pearl in the morning 1 Pearl in the morning 2 Pearl in the morning 3

If you don’t have an animal, you’re missing out.

#photos #cats

10 comments

tism tism · Feb 22, 2018 at 8:57 am

Uhmmm…Hustler cat photo shoot?? Royale??

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Momma J Momma J · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:37 am

Mira says - what are you looking at?

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:57 am

That’s Pearl, but yeah, that’s exactly what she’s saying :)

Momma J Momma J · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:59 am

She looked fluffy for Pearl but I guess that’s her underbelly

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DeeDee · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:58 am

She’s sweet. Rub her belly!

Hooper · Feb 23, 2018 at 6:03 am

Rub my belly ;)

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Kelly K · Feb 22, 2018 at 12:06 pm

I had voices for Boo & Scout. And appointed human emotions on them all the time.

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Hooper · Feb 22, 2018 at 12:26 pm

so hes doing math sideways ?

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 1:37 pm

Exactly. It’s the only proper way to do math really.

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ahendrix · Feb 23, 2018 at 7:54 am

What a glorious animal.

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8 pounds of tater tots

tcr! · Feb 21, 2018 at 7:34 pm

8 pounds of tater tots

I’m *having* the get-together this coming Saturday, February 24th.

If you’re reading this you’re invited. It’s a social mixer of sorts with snacks and drinks. No, I’m not making you all dinner.

8 pounds of tater-tots will be be available, picture shown is actual photo.

#photos #tatertotmixer

4 comments

Monohon · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:26 am

I truly wish I could attend but circumstances won’t allow it so sorry!

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:35 am

All good my man!

Monohon · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:35 am

Hope you have a great night!

Monohon · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:36 am

I know I haven’t seen you in like forever but I do still think about you and miss you take care my friend!

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Communal cigarette larceny

tcr! · Feb 21, 2018 at 1:18 pm

Audio (MP3): 20180221 - Communal cigarette larceny

So one time when I was “quit smoking” I was headed up to see my dentist in Elgin. Don’t ask me for a referral. He’s long since retired and is probably off riding a mule in the Grand Canyon these days.

He actually rode a mule there once. A mule by the name of Travis. I heard that story every time I went to see him.

Anyway, whatever stop smoking aid I was using that day wasn’t working. I had a little panic attack and that quickly turned into full blown, terror frenzy.

I stopped and charged into the nearest gas station, drooling at the mouth, doing sign language, knocking over kids and racks of maps. After I got a pack of cigarettes in my hands, I tore into them like a bear after honey, ripping open a beehive regardless of consequences.[1]

I had one in my mouth before even getting outside the gas station. I lit one up in the cool Autumn air and felt the fabulous serenity now. The world made sense. The radio station tuned in. I was a little light headed but the pleasure sensors were firing on all 12 cylinders.

A few minutes later as the smoking cigarette was winding down, the self-disgust was winding up. That “smoking again” love/hate kinda thing. Shaking my head I stubbed the cigarette out and headed back up toward that mule riding dentist.

Driving along Highway 31 and the smoking guilt got to be too much. I remembered what a client had said to me once.

You’re a vegetarian but you smoke??[2]

I stopped at another gas station and threw the pack of 19 cigarettes in the closest garbage can. Then I roared away in the Cube like a bear shot in the neck with a goat tranquilizer.

[…Interlude of tooth song and dance…]

While driving back home the fiery nicotine addiction kicked back in. My body was withdrawing and my mind going berserk. When I get in this spot, frantic desperation will kick my ass every single time.

Yes, of course, I did stop back at that second gas station and did dug the 19 pack back outta the trash.[3] I was literally digging in the garbage can. Of a public place. In broad daylight. In a smoke finding delirium. With my mouth half numb from all the dentistry prodding and poking.

People were looking at me like I was a red-assed baboon, masturbating[4] at the zoo while baring his teeth as a warning.

Keep the children away from him!

If you’ve ever committed this act of communal cigarette larceny you’re not alone.

Peeps, that’s the end of this story. Happy Wednesday!

#smokersunite #socialproblems #diariespodcast


  1. Please note: a bear’s thick coat protects them from being stung. They have little consequence for their actions.

  2. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement of disappointment.

  3. Addicts know no shame. Nicotine is one of the most powerful drugs, chemicals, bitches I’ve ever encountered.

  4. Please note: I was fully dressed.

9 comments

Monohon · Feb 21, 2018 at 1:25 pm

I have radiation therapy I don’t want to be one of those older then I am Fuckers still smoking I start on the 27th!

tcr! tcr! · Feb 21, 2018 at 2:41 pm

Good luck!!

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jenkins_arts · Feb 21, 2018 at 1:31 pm

Nicotine is at the top of the list of addictive drugs.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 21, 2018 at 2:41 pm

I believe it.

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JJ · Feb 21, 2018 at 5:26 pm

Hmmmmm?!. I was just talking to someone this afternoon @ how I quit. How weird? My phone ( or you ) must be listening to me again. πŸ˜‚

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Feb 22, 2018 at 4:43 am

He eavesdrops on everybody!

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Feb 22, 2018 at 4:40 am

I know people who quit shooting meth and quit drinking whisky who can’t quit smoking. Oddly enough, I don’t have first hand experience with this drug. I never met a drug I didn’t like with the exception of tobacco. I must be allergic to it. Another…See More

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 8:53 am

I remember Goth Sean Penn but I don’t remember the tobacco interlude. I’ll have to research.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 8:54 am

Smoking is definitely an ash-y, cough-y type of love affair. Talking (and smelling) like Tom Waits is a requirement.

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Abe Froman, tater-tot king of Geneva

tcr! · Feb 21, 2018 at 11:46 am

Audio (MP3): 20180221 - Abe Froman, tater-tot king of Geneva

Just to put this out there…

I’m not preparing some gourmet tator-tot frenzied extravaganza here nor am I Abe Froman, tater-tot king of Geneva. Think of the tator-tots more as party food that will be available, same as Doritos or Hot Tamales.

My plan is to buy 4-5 bags of le tots and a few bottles of ketchup. My plan is not to be man-handling a deep fryer all night like the parking garage attendants man-handled Cameron’s dad’s 1961 Ferrari.

But I do appreciate the calculations!

#tatertotmixer #diariespodcast

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Feb 20th, 2018 at 7:33:03 pm

tcr! · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:33 pm

I just realized I’ve been sober six years today 😊

#goteam #alcoholism #lettherebehope

42 comments

fiatlux423 · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:34 pm

Nice work Trevor

tcr! tcr! · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:35 pm

Thanks!

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bee.jonny · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:39 pm

THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE SEEN IN A WHILE. awesome man. Keep it up

tcr! tcr! · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:45 pm

Thanks man!

bee.jonny · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:55 pm

We still gotta get donuts! I move in with dave this weekend so we can celebrate by eating like a dozen each haha

tcr! tcr! · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:57 pm

I’m down for all that! Well, maybe I’ll just have two.

bee.jonny · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:20 pm

Two…that sounds more reasonable

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Hater McGhray Hater McGhray · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:47 pm

Oh yay! Awesome!

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heylinda heylinda · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:49 pm

I don’t know you but I’m proud of you all the same

tcr! tcr! · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:50 pm

Aww thanks!

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Kris · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:56 pm

Thats awesome Trav

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landerl · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:57 pm

Congrats, my friend! That’s awesome!

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fleming · Feb 20, 2018 at 7:58 pm

Way to go…proud of you!

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Raes · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:19 pm

Congrats! Happy for you.

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Momma J Momma J · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:22 pm

Congratulations! That’s my boy! Love you!

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N.Norton · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:34 pm

Yay God and Trevor

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prokop · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:37 pm

Way to go.

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Susan VK · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:40 pm

That is one stupendous feat. Good for you. Keep up the great work. You have many blessings!

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mmendel · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:55 pm

RIGHT ON, SO COOL . CONGRATS .

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cc19 · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:56 pm

Congratulations!

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lisa8 · Feb 20, 2018 at 8:58 pm

Rock on brother!!! You are BLESSED!!!

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ahendrix · Feb 20, 2018 at 9:00 pm

Congrats!

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Rich J · Feb 20, 2018 at 9:07 pm

Great job. I don’t want to pontificate about your accomplishment but…..,😜

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pynn · Feb 20, 2018 at 9:13 pm

Awesome, congratulations, grateful to have met you on this journey

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Botsford · Feb 20, 2018 at 9:27 pm

Well that’s enough to make one’s heart sing. Good for you my friend!

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JPiper · Feb 20, 2018 at 9:33 pm

Good job sir! ;-)

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Kelly K · Feb 20, 2018 at 10:26 pm

Yay! Congratulations!

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b.mcb · Feb 20, 2018 at 10:38 pm

That’s awesome!

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annekothe annekothe · Feb 20, 2018 at 10:56 pm

Happy happy to you!!

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Feb 20, 2018 at 11:29 pm

Booyah!

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franh franh · Feb 21, 2018 at 4:14 am

Awesome, congrats

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RR Overstreet · Feb 21, 2018 at 4:48 am

Congrats man!

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chrisrich · Feb 21, 2018 at 6:14 am

U R OSUM!

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domo vitek · Feb 21, 2018 at 8:16 am

Congratulations!

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William Garrison · Feb 21, 2018 at 10:41 am

Congrats. Keep taking it one day at a time.

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jlcrawford · Feb 21, 2018 at 11:53 am

Congratulations

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glenn.cremer glenn.cremer · Feb 21, 2018 at 12:58 pm

Congratulations! Very happy for you. Love, Dad

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DeeDee · Feb 21, 2018 at 3:23 pm

Congrats!

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marney0160 marney0160 · Feb 21, 2018 at 5:53 pm

Congrats!!! You’re an inspiration my friend! 😚

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Tom Bell · Feb 22, 2018 at 12:04 am

Outstanding T man!

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Ryan Waters · Feb 22, 2018 at 10:18 pm

You rock

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Mulder in the mirror

tcr! · Feb 20, 2018 at 9:37 am

Mulder in the mirror

SPOILER: Mulder is not the father of William.

#photos #xfiles

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Cat has got this new thing…

tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 9:57 pm

Cat has got this new thing

…where she puts one of her paws underneath my chin.

#photos #cats

2 comments

edox edox · Feb 19, 2018 at 10:09 pm

She is just practicing for the killing stroke later on.

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Momma J Momma J · Feb 19, 2018 at 11:12 pm

She misses your long beard but there’s no reason to grow it back!

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Feb 19th, 2018 at 6:38:06 pm

tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 6:38 pm

I hate when I’m taking the garbage down to the garage right when the neighbor is pulling up to his garage.

Like I don’t have enough guilt and shame to deal with in life.

#socialproblems

8 comments

keamoose keamoose · Feb 19, 2018 at 6:44 pm

Oh man. I totally wait for the neighbours to clear out before I go outside. They’re nice people, but who needs the stress?

tcr! tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 6:46 pm

Totally! I think they’re watching my movements, learned my traffic patterns, etc.

I shallwould start taking the trash out in the morning to disrupt their sensors.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 19, 2018 at 6:53 pm

For a moment I thought you said that you were going to stop taking the trash out, and I was concerned.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 7:19 pm

I would if I could but I shan’t. I would like one of those bank tubes that suck my checks up and over to the tellers but for my garbage bags. Just a shoot shute that whisks it away like the trash it is.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 19, 2018 at 8:11 pm

Wow, up here we just hand the cheque to the teller. Like an animal. Also, we spell it cheque… Like, I guess, a British animal.

Bonus trivia since I’m already talking about spelling: the word “teller” comes from a Norse word for counting!

tcr! tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 9:01 pm

We’re too lazy down round these parts. We like to sit in our cars and avoid physical contact with the Norwegian counters. I would like to use the British animal cheque spelling though. I would pronounce it “le cheque” though. Because I’m fancy.

Wait is Norwegian the right descriptor for Norse?

keamoose keamoose · Feb 19, 2018 at 9:31 pm

Really, I prefer to deposit cheques by taking a photo on my phone and not even leaving the house.

I meant Old Norse, the precursor to Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish. English inherited a few words from the ol’ Vikings. 😊

tcr! tcr! · Feb 23, 2018 at 8:54 am

I used to deposit my checks via my bank’s app, too. And then they went top-secret complicated to even sign-in to the app and now I’m forced to use the vacuum tubes. Although, I do kinda enjoy the satisfaction that comes from watching analog hi-tech in action.

I started watching the Viking series not long ago. It was pretty good but I felt like it was competing for space in my head with Game of Thrones.

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Feb 19th, 2018 at 6:12:42 pm

tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 6:12 pm

Tater tot egg sammies

I used to eat mashed potatoes as a kid. Now I eat tater-tots.

πŸ₯” 🍳 #photos #breakfast

6 comments

keamoose keamoose · Feb 19, 2018 at 8:05 pm

Needs glaze.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 8:55 pm

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

tcr! tcr! · Feb 19, 2018 at 9:02 pm

My cuts are pretty symmetrical though.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 19, 2018 at 9:28 pm

Oh, totally symmetrical. And your tators are properly totted.

tcr! tcr! · Feb 22, 2018 at 6:48 am

Six tots, two rows of three per McMuffin.

keamoose keamoose · Feb 22, 2018 at 8:06 am

Mmm-math.

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πŸŽ™ Listen now β†’