I think I really just wanna be. Being 50 these days I think I have all the drama out of my system. I’m all done with all the lying and cheating and drinking and carrying on, and now I just wanna be. No more questions, no more waiting, no more wondering. Just make dinner, wash the dishes, and sit on the couch.

As Crash Davis said in Bull Durham, “I don’t want to think about quantum physics and I don’t wanna think about nothin’. I just want to be.”

Audio (MP3): 20190419 - Back to regular life

Do you know what I really hate?

When somebody is being over-the-top nice after they’ve fucked something up.

Do you know what I really like?

When someone offers up a sincere apology and then gets on with the day.

Own it. Regret it. Forget it.

Take five minutes, have a real conversation, and then go back to regular life.

If I don’t acknowledge I can come across like an unsympathetic magician. Trying to trick you into paying attention to my magic rabbit and hat. All the while my other hand is holding a bloody knife. I’m not fooling anyone.

And then if I’m dancing around like an out-of-the-ordinary, out-of-control ballerina with an obviously fabricated sugary song and dance, it only makes whatever transgression worse. It prolongs the distress.

Elaine said to me seven years ago, “…and don’t grovel.”

I get “wanting to make it better” with flowers from up my sleeve and I’m sure I’ve tried to pull rosy ruses myself. But keep it to a minimum. Otherwise it’s a black reminder. The fuck up lingers like a red rubber band, stretching the hurt out for way longer than it needs to.

Humility. Brevity. Authenticity. I won’t go wrong with these.

#relationships #advancedsoul #diariespodcast