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Virtual Bunker Tour

tcr! · May 17, 2020 at 2:30 pm

Video (MP4): 20200517 - Virtual Bunker Tour

Please enjoy a view from the futon in the office bunker.

#diariesvideo #basement

4 comments

jenkins_arts · May 17, 2020 at 2:41 pm

Excellent!

tcr! tcr! · May 17, 2020 at 5:22 pm

Yes and no 😊

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 17, 2020 at 8:08 pm

The Hunker Bunker

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Uncle Timmy · May 17, 2020 at 10:06 pm

The Cave!!! 🎯

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Of course I can run an elevator

tcr! · May 13, 2020 at 1:00 pm

Audio (MP3): 20201305 - Of course I can run an elevator

Video (MP4): 20201305 - Of course I can run an elevator

I was softly clanging around on the MIDI keyboard the other night and came up with a couple of melodies. I couldn’t really find any words to go with them so I decided to look up what was in the public domain.

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18 comments

Mitchell · May 13, 2020 at 8:47 pm

interesting and abstract I like it

tcr! tcr! · May 13, 2020 at 9:22 pm

Thanks man! I like musical abstraction 😊

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 14, 2020 at 12:16 am

When they say “you can’t get out here’…

tcr! tcr! · May 14, 2020 at 9:18 am

The guy that wrote/performed the show was Arch Oboler. Laying in bed, smoking cigs, and writing Lights Out radio in his head. I can relate 😊

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 14, 2020 at 12:16 am

What were you drinking?

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 14, 2020 at 12:16 am

Brown liguid in clear cup.

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 14, 2020 at 4:25 pm

No, serious, it didn’t look like coffee and I wondered if you drank cherry cokes or something.

tcr! tcr! · May 14, 2020 at 4:37 pm

Oh… I thought you were talking about something in the audio. It’s just iced tea with sugar and spoon.

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 14, 2020 at 4:38 pm

coolio

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threecrates threecrates · May 14, 2020 at 12:11 pm

Incredible! I love stuff like this. Perhaps we shall record something together someday.✌🏻❀️

tcr! tcr! · May 14, 2020 at 12:28 pm

Send me some audio files (mp3s, wavs) and I’ll mix something up. It’ll be a covid quarantine collaboration! 🎼

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Dusk Clan · May 14, 2020 at 4:13 pm

Nice!

tcr! tcr! · May 14, 2020 at 4:34 pm

Thanks!

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Kurtz · May 15, 2020 at 6:48 pm

What?
15 hours ago

tcr! tcr! · May 15, 2020 at 9:51 pm

Exactly

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Sophia · May 16, 2020 at 3:09 pm

What is this

tcr! tcr! · May 16, 2020 at 6:52 pm

I would say it’s solid gold but I don’t think that’d be fair 😊

Sophia · May 16, 2020 at 7:07 pm

I’m not hating I’m just confused good job tho

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Space drift sunshine

tcr! · Jan 23, 2020 at 10:45 pm

Audio (MP3): 20200123 - Space drift sunshine

Video (MP4): 20200123 - Space drift sunshine

20190307 Confront your feelings

I don’t know why but it’s important that I make things like this.

πŸ‘½ #diariespodcast #diariesvideo

3 comments

tism tism · Jan 24, 2020 at 8:11 am

Disco party in the basement? Matrix remake? Alien incursion?

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JJ · Jan 24, 2020 at 9:43 am

Beautiful. πŸ¦•πŸͺπŸ’‘

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marney0160 marney0160 · Jan 28, 2020 at 11:05 pm

I think you have a ghost in your house!

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Confront your feelings

tcr! · Mar 7, 2019 at 7:00 pm

Audio (MP3): 20190307 - Confront your feelings

Video (MP4): 20190307 - Confront your feelings

20190307 Confront your feelings

I’ve been writing and recording music for close to 30 years. This is the latest track. You should listen to it with headphones.

The words below are various thoughts I’ve had and one-liners I’ve collected over the last year. They seem to go hand in hand with the audio. We can’t be a fruity butterfly all the time.


Intolerant. Not verbally just mentally.

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Proof would kill me

tcr! · Sep 10, 2017 at 9:00 am

Audio (MP3): 20170910 - Proof would kill me

Video (MP4): 20170910 - Proof would kill me

20170910 - Proof would kill me

A year or so after I got divorced from my first wife one of our mutual friends said to me, “I’m so sorry that she cheated on you with John.”

Now I always had a gut feeling about that but never knew for sure. Until then.

The moment Heather said it I was just crushed. Even more so because I wasn’t really that close with her, she was just a friend in the restaurant Kathy and I both worked at. Heather had asked me a few minutes before how things were going after the divorce so her words didn’t come out of the blue. But the confirmation was still a stab, twist, gouge to my soul. And then she felt really bad because it was obvious I didn’t know.

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9 comments

tcr! tcr! · Sep 10, 2017 at 4:21 pm

Here’s an accidental photo my iPad took while I was preparing to record the video.

20170910 Proof would kill me outtake

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Hater McGhray Hater McGhray · Sep 10, 2017 at 4:33 pm

Yep stuff that happens when you’re a kid really gets burned into who we grow up to be. Sometimes it takes a long time to change that.

tcr! tcr! · Sep 10, 2017 at 4:44 pm

Yep. I’d go far as to say “most of the time it takes a long time…”

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Engelhardt · Sep 11, 2017 at 10:41 am

Its interesting because I never thought my “childhood stuff” was enough to talk about - bother with. I had never been sexually abused or hit or anything. I’m learning in just this past year - that I never really learned how to feel. It wasn’t allowe…See More

tcr! tcr! · Sep 11, 2017 at 11:26 am

Yep, there was a whole lot of that “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel” stuff going around at one point. Jung put it best with his thoughts on the “shadow” and how denying that, denying what’s inside us (feelings and the like) is the true act evil and not the shadow itself.

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Monohon · Sep 11, 2017 at 11:49 am

A great friend of mine tried to warn me about my first wife but I was blinded by what I thought was true (Love) to listen you live and you learn she cheated on me before we got married and after we got married my bad lol

tcr! tcr! · Sep 11, 2017 at 2:52 pm

For sure! It’s all too easy to ignore the truth when we’re blinded by emotion. :)

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Raes · Sep 11, 2017 at 3:11 pm

I was too .. blinded and used as a punching bag . He didnt work and I had all the bills to pay and baby to raise .

tcr! tcr! · Sep 12, 2017 at 8:07 am

Punching bags… That’s bad news :(

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Relapse and reservations

tcr! · Sep 4, 2017 at 6:27 pm

Audio (MP3): 20170904 - Relapse and Reservations

Relapse and Reservations

20170904 - Relapse and Reservations - MP4 Watch on YouTube →

After I’d been sober for a number of years I relapsed. It wasn’t something that I thought was gonna happen. And also, it didn’t “just happen” either.

So with that being said I feel qualified, I feel confident, I feel like I’m able to talk about relapse overall. I have experience with it.

I didn’t have any deep, dark, dank secrets. I didn’t hold anything back when writing my Fourth Step and I didn’t hold anything back when sharing my Fifth Step. I made all of the amends on my Eighth Step list. I was more spiritual than I’d ever been my whole life.

So why did I relapse?

Because I quit going to meetings. I quit hanging out with people in recovery and hung out instead with “normal” people. that drank like normal people do. We had a lot in common those “normal” ones, similar interests and so on. We could bond over things I couldn’t with people in the meetings.

And really we alcoholics aren’t that much different from them. I’ve known plenty of “normal” people who had resentments, who’d been plagued with fear their whole life, who felt lost and couldn’t find their way.

Anyways with my relapse, somehow I had convinced myself that I was okay, that me drinking was okay. Plain and simple: I’d lost touch with where I’d came from.

And I write this because I hear people talk who say that the reason alcoholics relapse is because they have reservations. And I think it’s bullshit to say that everyone who’s relapsed didn’t work the steps to their full ability.[1] I’ve heard that in meetings.

And further I’ve known people who have relapsed or were in the midst of a relapse who were and still are more spiritual, more kind, more compassionate and caring then those 20+ year sober guys who think they know it all. And obviously something is lacking in their program if they’re up there pounding their fists at the soapbox about a relapse they never had.

Yes, some people do relapse because there’s a secret that they don’t want to tell or they never found the humility or willingness to make a certain amend or whatever. But that’s not fucking everybody.

Okay, obviously I have some emotion behind this but just to be clear, just because you’ve never relapsed that doesn’t mean that you can come along and tell me that I didn’t do something right the first time. Or that you can make some broad assumption, or borderline accusation against everyone who has relapsed.

Be careful with airs of intolerance or ones of arrogance. They’ll get you in trouble. Further, you’re the authority on your recovery, not mine. And further still, my relapse doesn’t discount my previous recovery. It doesn’t wipe the sobriety slate clean or take away the decade plus I was sober. It only makes my recovery now that much better.

And lastly while I’m picking bones… Who cares if I would have been sober for over 25 years if I hadn’t relapsed. I’m not keeping score. Why are you?

#alcoholism #twelvesteps #diariespodcast #diariesvideo


  1. Okay, I concede to the fact that I fell down on Step 12 before I relapsed. Step 10 and 11, too. But not working steps 1-9 to the best of my ability didn’t have anything to do with my relapse.

3 comments

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Sep 4, 2017 at 9:11 pm

Because he has enlightenment as his aim, a bodhisattva-mahāsattva is so called.

I still have Walter Becker on my mind but I was very struck by your comments, as usual. “Bodhisattva” is of course a rockin’ lil’ number by Steely Dan.

In other news, I feel like I’ve said these things before. I’m not thinking plagiarism, just that you are so completely in tune with things I’ve thought for a long time.
I am super-qualified on relapse.

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keamoose keamoose · Sep 5, 2017 at 4:29 pm

I don’t expect I’ll ever really understand this, but the way you write about it always just sounds so honest that it makes it more ok for me to talk about the stuff I have issues with.

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tcr! tcr! · Sep 5, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Somewhere in one of my recovery books it says something along the lines of, “when sharing our pain if it helps just one person with their pain then it was worth it.”

I’m happy that my sharing is helping with your sharing 😊

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πŸŽ™ Listen now β†’