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Jul 23rd, 2018 at 10:09:22 am

tcr! · Jul 23, 2018 at 10:09 am

In August, we will provide you with more of the detail about how this exciting change will positively affect you.

Uh-huh. That’s what they all say but work changes are never exciting and they always affect me negatively.

#worknews #email

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Jul 3rd, 2018 at 8:26:28 am

tcr! · Jul 3, 2018 at 8:26 am

Client: I would like you to implement X on my website.

Me: Okay. Could you send me an example of X so I can review?

Client: I would still like Y to work.

Me: Adding X will not affect Y.

Client: Okay, I didn’t know if you were going to throw away Y when implementing X.

Me: Don’t worry, you asked for me to implement X so I won’t throw away Y.

#worknews

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Odd height window

tcr! · Jun 5, 2018 at 1:59 pm

Odd height window

In other work related news, there’s an office in my building that has a long window that’s at an old level. I enjoy waving to them as I make my regular building rounds.

I kinda feel like your happy neighborhood shark when I do. šŸ¦ˆ šŸ‘‹

#photos #worknews

5 comments

keamoose keamoose · Jun 5, 2018 at 4:11 pm

I’ve suggested several times that we all wear tinfoil shark fins on our heads when walking around the cube farm. No takers yet.

tcr! tcr! · Jun 5, 2018 at 5:38 pm

I take it! You go first.

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Hooper · Jun 5, 2018 at 6:18 pm

Landshark!

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Karly · Jun 6, 2018 at 10:42 am

Maybe an impromptu hand puppet show?

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May 7th, 2018 at 3:01:27 pm

tcr! · May 7, 2018 at 3:01 pm

I have ONE email in my work Inbox and it’s one I’m waiting on a reply to.

I think this means that my work week is done.

šŸŽ‰ #worknews

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What to do when someone bails the conference call

tcr! · Feb 10, 2018 at 8:33 am

Question posted to Facebook:

Just got stood up for an 8am conference call. Any suggestions for punishments for the offending party?

My answer:

I just like to stay on the call even when nobody shows up. I relax, have a nice cup of tea for an hour or so. Enjoy the silence. Wonder what I’m getting for my birthday this summer. Wonder why I still think about my birthday presents at this age. Sometimes I’ll even check the expiration date on my Hot Tamales. Have you ever had a stale Hot Tamale? Don’t bother with them. They’re the worst.

Abandoned conference calls are one of those rare moments in life when you get a freebie. Like when you pull into a parking spot where the previous guy over paid. You have an hour, all expenses paid trip to wherever you wanna go. Nothing can touch you because you’re booked for that time slot. And then when your boss asks “how was the call” you can say, “Pretty low-key. No real action items on my end.”

#worknews #missedconnections #diariespodcast

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Dec 19th, 2017 at 2:10:58 pm

tcr! · Dec 19, 2017 at 2:10 pm

The scene is my work desk. I see my work phone ring from the corner of my eye. I roll both eyes and pull out one of my EarPods. Pause Amazon Music playing The Chainsmokers feat. Halsey and their sweet jam about “pulling me closer in the backset of your Rover.”

Me: This is tcr! May I help you?

Caller: Hi, this is Megan with Jobspring Partners. I see that you’re looking for a lead…

Me: I’m sorry, I’m not interested.

Caller: You’re not interested in what?

Me: Any of this. This WHOLE phone call.

Caller: Oh…

I hang up my work phone before she can finish that sentence, too. I put my EarPod back in and click play. Closer once again fills me with bliss as Halsey sings to me, “bite that tattoo on your shoulder.”

I used to tell cold call recruiters that we weren’t hiring or that if they’d give me their name and number we’d call them when we were hiring. But with working in IT and with the amount of calls that I get from recruiters looking to pimp out their seasoned and skilled professionals, I don’t even bother being cordial.

I don’t even know why they call me personally. No where on my LinkedIn profile does it say “click here to contact this hiring manager!” If anything it should say, “click here to be shutdown before you finish your bitchin’ sales pitch!”

I write this all down in Notes.app and post because I assume you’re all interested.

Here’s the sweet jam:

#worknews #musicvideos #thechainsmokers

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Inaugural I’m not ready for this Monday workday selfie

tcr! · Dec 18, 2017 at 7:55 am

Inaugural Im not ready for this Monday workday selfie

Let’s go back to Friday, around 4:15 pm.

šŸ™„ #photos #worknews #selfies

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Dec 12th, 2017 at 9:29:53 am

tcr! · Dec 12, 2017 at 9:29 am

Overheard while walking down the work hallway:

Chili’s is squirting it on. Are we squirting it on?

That sounds simply delightful. Bon appétit.

#worknews #goodeats

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Don’t change the Excel

tcr! · Dec 4, 2017 at 10:50 am

When I have to send a third email I start TYPING IN CAPS.

šŸ™„ #worknews #email

22 comments

keamoose keamoose · Dec 5, 2017 at 10:33 pm

Maybe lock the spreadsheet? People don’t listen.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 6, 2017 at 10:15 pm

Oh, I need him to fill it out and then return it to me so I can import the data into his website. I wish you could lock the header row. Maybe that’s a thing. šŸ¤”

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 6, 2017 at 10:28 pm

You totally can! You can pick which cells are locked and which are able to be filled in. Finally my excel skills are coming in handy.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 6, 2017 at 10:32 pm

Yes!! šŸŽ‰ I’m totally locking that shit down.

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 6, 2017 at 10:58 pm

šŸ˜šŸŽ…šŸ¦„
I actually kind of love Excel. Every time I wonder whether it can do something, the answer turns out to be yes. Plus if you’re good at Excel, people look at you like you’re some kind of wizard, so that’s nice.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 8, 2017 at 6:45 am

After your latest Excel insight I look at you like you’re a Wizard++

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 8, 2017 at 7:42 am

šŸ˜ŠšŸ˜ŠšŸ˜Š
Watch me pull this conditional formatting out of my hat!

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 9, 2017 at 7:27 am

Ooohhh conditionals! šŸŽ©

My favorite was when I wrote QUOTIENT(F3,30). I was pretty proud of myself.

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 13, 2017 at 10:59 am

An Excel thing happened yesterday, wherein the best long-term solution was for me to learn to code Visual Basic and write my own functions. And I guess that sounds a little extreme, but it’s actually exactly the same as when I decided to learn Danish because I couldn’t read something on Facebook, or the time I liked Dave and therefore ended up living in the sub-Arctic. So I guess that’s just how I am. Anyway, Excel is the best.

vbfunctions

vbfunctions
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tcr! tcr! · Dec 13, 2017 at 11:54 am

VB was the first GUI-based programming language I learned. I wrote a basic web-browser in it once. Why? It was my own reading-Danish/Dave-liking experiment. šŸ˜Š

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 13, 2017 at 12:12 pm

Haha, awesome :)
Do you remember any of it? I’d like to know how to make my function check whether the input is non-numeric, the issue being that the lab data it’s working with will sometimes have gaps in it, so the input cell might be blank or say ND (non-detectable) or something like <0.001 (less than the lowest amount the lab can measure). Right now I’ve settled for making the cell only accept numbers, but that will be a pain in the ass for entering the lab data because it won’t let you paste it in if it happens to be non-numeric. So, e.g. I have =COPPER(A1) and cell A1 is restricted to numeric data only, but I’d prefer that the COPPER function be able to check and return an appropriate value if A1 has something that isn’t a number or if it’s blank.

…I’m not a programmer. I know just enough to get myself in trouble. :P

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 13, 2017 at 3:47 pm

I think you should be able to do something like…

Dim HardnessCheck As Boolean

HardnessCheck = IsNumeric(hardness)

If HardnessCheck Then
  Copper = šŸ‘
Else
  Copper = šŸ‘Ž
End If

But keep in mind I haven’t been on Windows intentionally or in VB for literally years.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 13, 2017 at 3:50 pm

Also, getting oneself in trouble is half the fun!

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 13, 2017 at 4:07 pm

Cool, I’ll give that a try!

I’m in deep trouble right now with a 2-dimensional lookup where I have to round the input in order to look it up. I AM LEARNING SO MUCH.

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 13, 2017 at 4:27 pm

You know what’s REAL FUN? Realizing that for the past 2 hours the entire problem has been a typo in a cell reference. Ok, back to the copper thing.

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 13, 2017 at 5:14 pm

By the way, your IsNumeric code worked great, thanks :)

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 14, 2017 at 7:13 am

I do my monthly payables/receivables in Apple’s Numbers.app. I have formulas to calculate my monthly budget, how much I can spend per week, day, etc. based on what’s coming in and what’s going out.

So one month according to my calculations I could live pretty high on the hog. But then when my bank account overdrew I soon realized a formula typo had given me an inflated sense of financial luxury.

I shallwould forevermore pay much closer attention to when copying and pasting cell formulae.

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 14, 2017 at 10:15 am

Ouch. Funny thing with this one is, I did copy and paste it and there is no reasonable explanation for how it could have changed.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 14, 2017 at 11:30 am

I have a reasonable explanation: Excel.

šŸ˜‰

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keamoose keamoose · Dec 18, 2017 at 4:13 pm

I started this on Friday and just finished it.

=INDIRECT(CONCATENATE(“’”,C$7,”’!”, ADDRESS(ROW(),MATCH($B$1,INDIRECT(CONCATENATE(“’”,C$7,”’!$A$5:$P$5”))),1)),TRUE)

It’s a goddam masterpiece and is going to save me days and days of tedious manual cell referencing. I think I leveled up in Excel.

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tcr! tcr! · Dec 19, 2017 at 6:59 am

And that critter lives all in one cell? I think you skipped three levels with that puppy.

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Oct 25th, 2017 at 2:39:39 pm

tcr! · Oct 25, 2017 at 2:39 pm

Client complains of a problem with her website. Client forwards me an email from last June.

Me looks at her website. Me looks at her email.

Me tells her that the problem is because of her IT depart.

Me also tells her that the email she forwarded from June outlines that it’s her IT department’s problem.

#worknews #devhell

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