Finally talked to someone only to be told the department they need to transfer me to is closed on Sunday.

Yay.

🙄 #allislost

I got no milk. I got not cheese. I feel like a damn vegan. 😬

#allislost

Wait. How did it get to be Wednesday?

I thought it was Thursday and was looking forward to tomorrow being Friday.

😭 #allislost

I accidentally bought unsalted peanuts.

These things are fucking joke. 😂 😐

🥜 #allislost #peanuts

Why is there never a paperclip around when I need one?

They’ll be out laying in the street. They’ll be snoozing on the sink in my bathroom. The robot vacuum will be eating them for breakfast. But when I desperately need a clip for my papers, there are none to be found.

I should go back to bed. Forget about my taxes and recipients and paystubs and call this day a wash. The office supplies of the world can go fuck themselves.

🤪 #allislost

Sometimes I’ll got out on a culinary limb. A daring yet delectable escapade, laying out loads of cash for adventurous taste combinations that send the conservatives repulsed to the bakeries of safety.

For example, in this year of 2018, this month of October, I dropped this Candy Apple frosting from Pillsbury into my basket, impromptu style while in the aisles of Blue Goose. A one-handed yet non-acrobatic feat that impressed shoppers clear yonder to the western deli department.

Basket maneuvers aside, be aware impulsive and intrigued icing shoppers, concede to my financial frosting fiasco. This cake topping may look moist and delicious but the taste and texture is more akin to sweet, fluffy lipstick.

There may be a market for apple red lipstick for the baked cakes but I’m not included in it.

One might ask how I know lipstick tastes like. That would be a very good question.

🍰💄🤔 #photos #allislost

Some time over the weekend I had a dream that it was Wednesday after work and the robot vacuum hadn’t done his scheduled cleaning. And then I was crushed and frustrated, defeated and agitated, almost to the brink of tears.

Another substantiated claim that I don’t deserve nice things.

It was a lot worse when I was drinking, that train of thought. I’d like to say it surprises me that I still have it but it doesn’t.

Really though it’s not about deserving as much as “can’t have.” Because my mind doesn’t work that way. Because I’ll put myself in impossible situations. Where I’ll never win.

It’s a dysfunctional pattern carried from when I was a teenager or something. I don’t know for sure, go ask Moses.

Which leads into the struggles of a life inherited. From a previous life. More realistically it’s probably from my genetics. Family of origin stuff, a television spin off.

Desperately pleading that things would get better. But they won’t. They can’t. I stay in those situations because I’ve dug a hole. It’s pretty much impossible to get out. I don’t know how to do anything else.

And we don’t find nice things in holes. They don’t have them.

After spending over a decade in a hole it becomes familiar and comfortable. I can distract myself with my imagination, satisfy myself with make-believe. I can put a nice rug here and maybe a lamp over there.

Sometimes I strive and strain to climb out. But it just doesn’t work. And then I give up. Yet again. It’s easier just to give up, accept that everything’s terrible. Because this is just how it’s going to be.

Obviously I don’t feel spiritual every day. And then I flounder around for a day or two. Maybe a week. Read a spiritual book. Go to a meeting. Hear something that puts me back on track. Points me again in the right direction.

How I feel is not who I am.

God’s got a bigger plan. Maybe I’m not supposed to have nice things right now.

Keep the faith, peeps. Let go absolutely.

#allislost #advancedsoul

#photos #allislost

*NOTE* Please No Selfies, soliciting or advertising.

What??? 😭

#allislost #selfies

My bedroom points 22° North. My whole life has been a lie.

#allislost