The sad part about this is that I’ve gotten really good at catching them.

🙄 #photos #chipmunks

#photos #selfies #huntersthompson

I shared this with Jimi earlier tonight. I sometimes question the musicianship of the modern era but when I hear tracks like this, I know it’s alive and well.

The simple acoustic riff, the harmonizing group vocals and piano… I love everything about it. If I could sing as he does I’d never talk.

And their off the street/don’t care/everyday slouching outfits and video shot phone style. And they pulled it off live.

I don’t relate with the lyrics in the here and now but there have been times when people hated me. And I didn’t understand why. And then I felt like I owed them an apology.

And of course my favorite lyric:

I know I can be dramatic.

#musicvideos

I gave the cat a piece of cheesy popcorn. She licked all the cheese off and went off to do whatever cats do when you don’t see them.

So I’m left in the kitchen with a piece of cheese-less, soggy, cat-licked popcorn.

How’s your Tuesday?

#cats

I struggle in life more than I’d like to admit. I get frustrated when I need to tie my shoes. I’m restless just living.

I do better when I’m around people but am prone to isolate. I never think about drinking anymore but will make myself sick on licorice.

If I don’t have a big art project in the works I don’t feel complete. I’ll often burn through months building and then burn myself out with the pens and the paints. Then I’ll only want to play video games for weeks on end.

I brush my teeth two to three times a day and then rinse with peroxide. And then use my water pick with three fingers of alcoholic mouthwash in the reservoir. I’m interested in thoroughness.

I don’t like that I can never get the fan oscillation just right and will often wonder what I’m supposed to be doing in life. Because so far I feel like I get really close but the finish line is for those other guys.

It’s like practicing for a play, memorizing all the lines, rehearsing every morning, afternoon, and night. And then when the curtains open only a few people have shown up.

I put on Ludovico or Baroque so I can listen while falling asleep. Then I won’t think and will drift off to soothing piano keys and calming violins.

But I think anyway. I write notes like these in my phone. Sometimes they’re spiritual and fruity. Other times they’re not. The fan blows so loud I can’t hear the music.

And then the cat jumps on me and I get up and brush my teeth again.

I’m not even kidding.

#photos #cats #thestruggleisreal

Sara got me these soft licorices for my birthday. They’re serious going to be the death of me.

Oh look, a bag of licorice. Delightful!

#photos #licorice

After the hornsmen quit
	blowing their brasses
And the wine quit
	flowing in the glasses

The damned of the courtyard
	relapsed

After the squires quit
	brushing their lasses
And the jesters quit
	shaking their asses

The soul of the castle
	collapsed

There, I wrote another poem… ✍️

#wordsmith

I like to get on the Ferris wheel at least once per season.

💘 #photos #sara #maggie

Dinner with a beautiful lady. What more could I ever want?

PS- we were at Hardware in Aurora.

#photos #sara

Day before yesterday I posted…

It seems as if there are almost too many things that we’ll never get over.

We just learn to live with them.

…and I’ve been thinking lots about that whole topic ever since.

Some of you may know this story and some may not.

I was married for a brief era in the mid 90s. My wife at the time was pregnant and she carried our baby the full nine months. When she was due we rushed to the hospital and then something went horribly wrong.

They took Kathy to another room and had me and her family over in some waiting area. I could hear the baby crying and crying. Medical staff was running back-and-forth. A lot of commotion for sure. And then it was over. The baby died 15 minutes or so after she was born.

The loss of a child, the unexpected death of a loved one, traumatic physical injury, those types of pains are things we never get over. They just become part of who we are. Our life stories shape us, define us. We are who we are because of what’s happened while we’ve been alive.

Every time I hear a story about a child dying it almost always makes me sad. It pulls at my heart strings because I can relate. I think about being in that hospital with Kathy in the middle of nowhere Iowa and the emotional earthquake that changed everything. And the aftershocks are still with me not because I haven’t prayed for acceptance or processed my grief. It’s because it’s part of my story now. There’s no getting over it. There was no quick solution for dealing with the flood of feelings that came afterward.

In related news I read once that our parents’ memories can be passed to us genetically. Not like vivid, detailed recollections but more subliminal feelings, maybe subtle intuitions. When I read the article I thought, “fuck… our experiences are literally fused into our DNA.”

My feelings of loss can even resurface unexpectedly when I’m having a great moment with Maggie. I always wanted to be a dad and my first chance was taken away from me. Abruptly. Am I going to get over that? No. Don’t ever ask someone to. Pain of that magnitude will stop when it’s done working you over. My part is just to process and carry on.

Sometimes life works out how we want and sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s never about the outcome. It’s about the experience. It’s the shifts in our soul that offer to make us bigger people. We learn how to love and support each other.

When we look back over our lifetimes they’ll be overflowing with memories. Some good, some great and some bad, and others horrible. That sudden death helped make me be the best dad that I can be for Maggie. I know that it has.

Don’t be quick to discard life defining moments. We need those experiences to build better lives in the here and now.

Keep living, peeps. Keep loving. No matter what. ❤️

#photos #maggie #advancedsoul #theleftovers