Audio (MP3): 20171105 - I only saw her rage

Last night I heard an Al-Anon speaker say that she was very angry with her husband while he was drinking. But really she was scared. Scared for a variety of reasons, if he was going to really hurt himself, and so on.

When I was drinking my ex-wife was also very angry. The kind of anger where it felt like I couldn’t do anything right. And I took that very personal because, to me, it just seemed like she was constantly upset with what I was doing and what I wasn’t doing.

It really struck a chord with me, what the speaker said yesterday. Looking back now I can see that my ex-wife was also most likely scared. And frustrated. And hurt. I wish I could’ve seen through to her fear at the time. Seen her hurt instead of her aggravation. Seen her loneliness instead of her judgment.

I feel sad that I only saw her madness and didn’t or couldn’t see what was underneath.

After I’ve moved on and things have passed, it’s easier for me to have an objective look on what was really going on. But in the moment it’s too hard to detach from the then and there, even more so when emotions are high. We’ve all heard that anger is just a cover up but I only see the rage when it’s directed at me.

I started to tear up listening to the speaker because I felt like if I would’ve seen my ex-wife as simply being hurt and scared I would’ve done things differently when we were married.

Instead of reacting defiantly to her anger, I would’ve tried to react lovingly to her pain.

#alcoholism #relationships #diariespodcast

Person B: Don’t say, “peeps” — it makes you sound like you have an entourage.

Me: 🙄

#meanwhile #horrorshow

Do people really eat scones?

#meanwhile #icanteatthis

Person A: You’ve put on weight.

Me: 🙄🔫

#allislost

Me: Did you know Edgar Allan Poe’s mom was only 24 when she died? And he was only two.

Maggie: Ya, we had a whole unit on him in elementary school.

Me: I don’t ever recall having such a unit!

Me: Poe also had a velvet suit and cape when he was but a boy. I only dreamt of such fashion.

Note: it was at this point Maggie stopped listening.

It’s a rainy, glum day out and I may not even leave the house…but the lighting for this pepper flower was perfect.

My friend John says that we always find what we’re looking for…so turn that frown upside down. Drop down. Turn around. Pick a bale of cotton.

Turn on Guido’s BBQ nite light, and cook up some Egg McMuffins and tator tots. For the win.

#photos #pepperplant #advancedsoul

I needed theses for my kitchen. Plus, I couldn’t help myself. They were 30% of at Super Target.

#videos #halloween #homeimprovement

😜 #videos #truckthoughts

Guys, what I’m about to tell you is going to change everything from here on out.

Portillo’s is doing delivery! 🎉

This may not apply to all locations but Maggie and I are in the St. Charles location now and there’s literally fliers on every tray and a new panel on every catering table display. I’ve never had their catering myself. Because mostaccioli. Have you seen that stuff? It’s like your weird cousin that comes over at Thanksgiving, dressed in aluminum foil and sliced cheese, smelling like burnt noodles and Lysol. And then he sticks to the serving spoon like some kind of edible Elmer experiment gone horribly wrong.

I heard that over in Europe they take all their leftover mostacolli (which means all their mostacolli) and mix it with cement for their highways. That’s why their roads never fall apart. They got roads dating back to King George II. Which is also around the time somebody first thought of catered mostacolli.

Okay, I made that last paragraph up. I’m sure Portillo’s mostacolli is lovely.

Anyways, the flier also says, “Exclusive offers!” for the delivery patrons. I hope this means year round lemon cake for us techno-heads, living and ordering foodies like it’s 2017. Sara made me go through the drive-thru once just for said cake. And I did it. And now I’m telling you about it. Because their lemon cake is THAT GOOD.

I also see that you can order at portillos.com or through their app. Personally, I’ll order through their website because the last thing I need is yet another app on my phone, wanting to send me notifications, wanting access to my microphone, wanting to take lewd pictures of itself or whatever apps do that have no photo functionality but still want access to my camera.

Wait… I just thought of something. If they deliver how will the drivers resist the french fry smell? NOBODY can resist that smell in the car. It calls to both man and woman, boy and girl. I’d get my order and prob half the fries would be gone. 🍟😢

I’d want a guaranteed fry count for sure.

#technology #portillos

#videos #sears