It’s the middle of January but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have flowers…so here ya go, peeps.

Our days, our lives are whatever we make them.

🌸 #photos #flowers #protip

I ain’t got time for all this shit.

#thestruggleisreal

Audio (MP3): 20180112 - No sirens, no lights, just horsepower

When I was driving to work this morning a sheriff’s car was behind me in the other lane. As we approached the intersection on Randall and 64 the stoplight turned yellow. I slowed down and stopped because I’m sure the sheriff had his eye on me. And of course my license plates are expired.

So then the sheriff gunned his car and blew through the red light. No sirens, no lights, just horsepower. Whether or not he was within his law enforcement privileges to do such isn’t important to what I’m writing here.

Read more →

Yep, she built that all on her own.

⚔️ #photos #pugs

15 Moments When Stella Gibson Was A Total Badass

Watch The Fall so Stella (Gillian Anderson) can teach you how to be a boss. Warning: Some spoilers ahead!

You should really watch The Fall on Netflix even if it’s a few years old. It’s so much better than the X-Files reboots.

Seriously.

#tv #thefall

🐈 💤 🛏 #photos #cats

🙄 #amazon

Hi Xxxxxxx,

Can you please confirm that system will de-dupe from bounce-backs in Nov-December

No, the system was not designed to capture the bounces and skip them during future email blasts. I’ve answered similar questions on bounced emails from Xxxx and Xxxxxx both.

I realize there has been confusion about the bounced emails along with what the system tracks and reports and does. With email systems bounced tracking is typically included.

But… the proposals for both Xxxx’s email system and Xxxxxx’s email campaigns had zero mention of providing any functionality related to bounced emails. So the system provides zero support for any that.

I hate to repeat these things over and over again but I would strongly encourage everyone involved to know what the system is capable of. The things it does are what’s in the proposals. If it’s not in the proposal, it doesn’t do them.

I’m starting to feel like I’m constantly the bearer of bad news, that these questions are landing on my desk like I didn’t build enough features into the system. But in reality the system does exactly what Xxxx and Xxxxxx were willing to pay for.

Thanks,
-Xxxxxx

Why do I have to write emails like this?

#worknews #email

Dear local town folk,

I would like to offer my unfiltered thoughts on these two Geneva mailboxes. Mailboxes that live side-by-side in a whimsical Yin and Yang if you will.

I’ve been watching both for the past few weeks on my drive to work. Never my drive home. I’ll only allow this particular neighborhood to know my comings and not my goings. However, I did circle back on my way home yesterday just to snap these postal slot specimens. In broad daylight.

Okay, yesterday was a foggy afternoon but I risked nearly everything to bring you these photos.

The first full-service mailbox is a timely critter sporting the expected carrot nose and candy cane scarf. There’s even a holly brooch on the hat with red berry and all. If I were a mailman I would probably punch this slightly smirking snowman on the third day.

Of course this may very well have to do with my assumed mental health if I were delivering mail in polar-bear temperatures and I had to look at this two-balled Frosty. One. More. Time.

Okay fine, the snowman ornamental is fun. And since I’m not the one delivering Trader Joe’s Fearless Fliers, I like to imagine this snowman living out a long fancied fantasy of riding a headless, armless, legless, mechanical bull. That also receives handfuls of letters.

Now then, onto the second mailbox. While I do love DIY home improvement as much as the next Bob Villa I can’t cosign this work. The ladder component is fine but obviously the mailbox has had too much to drink and passed out sideways.

But wait! Hold everything. Maybe this mailbox was hit with a baseball bat which would then account for its distress. I tried one of those postal home runs way back when I was living out my rebel teenager-ness. Trust me it’s easier than it looks in the movies. If you try it yourself you’ll look like a moron.

Please note: my bat practice was decades ago in a land far from our beloved Fox Valley. Also note: I’m not the Postmaster General either. I was once. But it was a long time ago. And I don’t like to talk about it anymore. To quote Clark Griswold.

Anyways. If I were a mailman in this second scenario I would climb to the top of the ladder and frisbee the letters into the box similar to Linus when he was mailing his letter to The Great Pumpkin. Although I would leave my blanket at home. The make and model of my blanket is only my business.

So if you indeed do work for USPS, if you’re perhaps the real Postmaster General, and would like to schedule the photoshoot of you in said makeshift, aluminum crows nest, please contact me through the usual channels. First-class mail of course.

Again to clarify for the readers who assume I’m looking down on our community when expressing my opinions — I have no judgment on either mailbox. I’m not criticizing or condemning, merely providing commentary on local items of interest. If you’re either homeowner then salut.

Final thought:

Wasn’t Kevin Costner in some future apocalyptic farce where he just wanted to deliver the mail? Who does that?

#photos #holidaycheer #usps

Continued: The mailbox returns →

Audio (MP3): 20180109 - Under Maggie's pillow

And then there was that one time maybe six or seven years ago when I ate a Snickers fun-size and hid the wrapper under Maggie’s pillow.

And then at bedtime when we found it and she was horrified of being convicted of a crime she didn’t commit, after she had time to process and I confessed, she thought it was funny.

And she still does. Because I asked her about it earlier tonight before dinner.

“And you tried to frame me!! 😆”

And when I’m thinking about it now while she’s doing her homework, I think that her mom and I must’ve done something right.

And finally… something I heard or read once always keeps me pointed in the right direction: as parents our job is to make memories for our kids.

#protip #maggie #diariespodcast