When I was newly sober, having a list of amends to make was like having a big pile of bills to pay. And I hate that feeling: a stack of checks to write and a list of people and places I owe. It’s just always on my mind, lingering in the back row like somebody murmuring behind you at the movies. When I stopped drinking my conscious woke up and I start hearing the voices of remorse.
And then there was that one time when I was in high school that I stole a whole bunch of books from the public library. It was way back when shoplifting was easy. Go in with a nearly empty backpack, load it up with Hobbit adventures, and walk out. Just be careful and it was really that easy. I didn’t feel any guilt at the time because for whatever reason in my head, the world owed me.
I can’t go to any Christmas parties for the next few weeks. I was plucking my eyebrows earlier and got carried away. Because there always come a time when one tweezes too much. And today I crossed the line. Now I look like Whoopi’s Goldberg. But white. And younger. And more attractive.
If we’re at a social gathering and it feels like I snub you that’s because I’m not a social butterfly. I’m more like a social moth. My wings are dusty. I check the doors to be sure they lock. I have debates with myself about what I’m supposed to do next. I have the social skills of a turtle. Just give me some lettuce.
Large groups of people don’t necessarily make me nervous, just uncomfortable. I don’t like people sitting or standing behind me. I don’t like it to the point where I’ll change seats. If I can’t see everything I feel somewhat flustered. I like to keep an eye on things.
That might sound cliche or overused or whatever but it’s because it’s a real thing that affects more people than it should.
This “Surely Not Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting” t-shirt makes a great gift for any funny saying, sarcastic, novelty, humor, cute, cool, funny tee shirt or funny t-shirt enthusiast. Whatever your specialty, this shirt will raise eyebrows and elicit smiles. Because everyone wishes they could do Kung Fu fighting.