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A dreamy doomsday broadcast

tcr! · 3 days ago

There’s been an infuse of stink bugs (BMSB). I see them at home. I see them in my truck. I see them at work. The dudes are everywhere. My cats won’t even eat them.

Stink bug crawling

Seriously, this past summer I’ve become convinced they’re trying to take over the world.

I’ve never had one actually let loose with the stink though. They seem to be docile little critters, just meandering about town in their brown armor. However, the US Department of Agriculture wants them out of the country for being an agriculture pest. I guess that’s what happens when you’re an invasive species.

Anyways… so last night I had this dream where I’m watching TV. Don’t ask me what or which station because it’s irrelevant. Then out of nowhere my program was interrupted with a special broadcast. A dreamy doomsday broadcast. Panic in the streets, cars turned over, red tickers scrolling berserk at the bottom of the screen as pedestrians ran for their very lives.

Beloved readers, the first responders quickly determined the blame (lied, lie, laid) with the darn stink bugs! They’d collapsed a large portion of an apartment building in West Chicago after their hive nest ruptured the very foundation. The helicopter news footage of said apartments showed a scary scene similar to the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building aftermath in 1995. Luckily no West Chicago residents were injured.

But get this: the real mastermind behind both the American Stink Bug Invasion (ASBI) and the consequential residential cave-in was the dude with the mannequins at the Wheaton All Night Flea Market! Zurko was breeding the bugs in the basement like Jame Gumb was with his moths in Silence of the Lambs. Do you see the parallels? I thought so.

Please note: I have nothing against Zurko or his mannequins. THIS WAS JUST A DREAM.

So then the news reporters were trying to get an interview with Zurko. Figure out what his motives were, etc., etc. But he refused to talk since he was dressed up in his mannequin gear. He couldn’t break character!

And then the dream ended.

How are you?

#dreams #stinkbugs #mannequins

10 comments

hodges · 3 days ago

Funny. They don’t stink unless you squish them or mow your lawn 😣

tcr! tcr! · 3 days ago

They should call them “will stink ya bugs”

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forni · 3 days ago

I will say, I will take a stink bug invasion over this damn mosquito take over we have been experiencing. I love how descriptive your dream was 🤣

tcr! tcr! · 3 days ago

Thanks! I try not to go outdoors much so I haven’t noticed the mosquitoes. However, I did notice that mosquitoes sounds and awful lot like mojitos.

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becklyn · 3 days ago

Conventions are regularly held at my house. It’s a game here…. prizes to those who suck the most.

stink bugs in the vacuum

stink bugs in the vacuum
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tcr! tcr! · 3 days ago

At first I thought you’d prepared a rocket to take them into outerspace! 🚀

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undrtow · 3 days ago

1. They stunk if you squish them
2. There will be a stink bug vs mosquito war before 2020

tcr! tcr! · 3 days ago

My bets are on the stink bugs winning the war.

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Ross Bottino · 2 days ago

My daughter and I name them. We have conversations with them. Track their whereabouts in the room. Wonder about their activities throughout the day. They become like family. We introduce them the visitors. Oh, that’s Fred and Barney… JoeBob is over there. It’s really quite entertaining. I mean it’s not like they have any intention of leaving. I can pick them up and put them outside but I’m pretty sure they just come right back in. I actually considered marking them at one point to prove it’s the just agreed again, but I was afraid nail polish would kill them. And that’s how we manage our stick bug situation over here.

tcr! tcr! · a day ago

OMG that’s hilarious. However, based on the sheer volume of Freds wandering around, I say go for it and him with polish. If he dies, Fred2 will be along shortly.

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Jun 12th, 2018 at 6:40:51 am

tcr! · Jun 12, 2018 at 6:40 am

At 4:54 am this morning I was wide awake. 🙄

I woke up from one of those dreams that wake me because the story turned sour.

I was walking in an industrial area early in the morning. The sky was gray, the air foggy and misty. I was shuffling to meet back up with a group of friends that were having a get-together of some kind.

A car pulled up and an early 20 something boy got out. And then his girlfriend got out. As they were walking toward me a couple more 20 somethings appeared and drew closer, like wary insects knowing they’re about ready to feed.

I said to the first guy, “do you want the cash in my wallet” and he nodded. The dream fast-forwarded as they often do, and then I was laying on the ground. The latter three held my arms and legs while the first laid on his stomach beside me. Going through my wallet, tossing business cards and whatever aside.

Then he took my car keys and started taking the keys off, one by one. He motioned that I could keep my truck key and then laid the others in another pile on my chest, like he was going to keep them.

Then I said to him, “now you’re just fucking me.”

And then I woke up because I was done with all of that.

#dreams

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Jun 2nd, 2018 at 7:37:01 am

tcr! · Jun 2, 2018 at 7:37 am

I speak a little anesthesiologist.

People say the weirdest things in my dreams.

#meanwhile #dreams

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SpongeBob was in my dream last night

tcr! · Mar 14, 2018 at 8:03 am

Like I was all about SpongeBob. I went into my bedroom to have a nap (which is kind of funny that even in my dreams I’m thinking about taking a nap).

And then when I laid down on my bed it was SpongeBob as far as the eye could see.

I had a keychain, a plushy, all kinds of toys. He was on my bedspread and pillow cases. Everywhere I looked there the little yellow man was.

And that’s all I remember. I must’ve started dreaming about something else.

My point to all of this is that this is the dumbest fucking dream I’ve had my whole life. And this is why you don’t tell people about your dreams. Ever. Unless you found the cure for cancer while you were asleep, nobody will care about your SpongeBob drivel.

I’m sorry if your dreams are important to you. But it can be downright painful for the person listening to you recount every meaningless scene in your latest dream. Especially when it’s first thing in the morning.

It’s borderline abuse really.

#dreams #spongebob #diariespodcast

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