Audio (MP3): 20180831 - Generous with my humility

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
— Step 8 of Alcoholics Anonymous

When I got to the Eighth Step I was kind of disappointed that they use the word “harmed.” I didn’t like it because I didn’t like the thought of me actually hurting people. We get a taste of peace after working the previous steps and then Step Eight comes crashing in like a bowling ball. Announcing we’d done harm.

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It’s the way that you fake it. I know it’s too late.

One can never go back home, can never reclaim their youth.

But can one mend a broken heart? Can one ever truly forgive and forget?

I don’t think so.

It’s like a bloodstain on your bluejeans. No amount of love or forgiveness will ever wash that away.

Personally, I might have tolerance at best.

Happy Friday, I suppose.

#musicvideos #deadmau5

Audio (MP3): 20180121 - Grace for others

I would guess there’s been 5-10 relationships I’ve had with people where I’ve written them off. And I’m not talking about small relationships either. These are like personal relationships that have lasted for years.

And I wrote these people off because I had hurt them or they had hurt me and then it just went back-and-forth like some fucked up game of spiteful volleyball.

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Audio (MP3): 20170715 - So back to me in my barn

Subtitled: how to becoming willing

Barbie in The Birds, taken at Stage Left Dinner, St. Louis, Missouri — June 1st, 2013.

I’m gonna jump right in. Because that’s what you do when you’re me.

Writing my Eighth Step list was easy enough to do and so was becoming willing to make the amends on that list.

Except to one of my brothers.

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Audio (MP3): 20170504 - Third Step thoughts at noon

Video (MP4): 20170504 - Third Step thoughts at noon

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

The Third Step of 12 step recovery starts out with “Made a decision” and I like that because it doesn’t say that I turned my will and my life over it, just that I made a decision to. Simple phrasing like that made the steps easier for me to take. And I could do that, I could make that decision. It wasn’t hard after admitting complete defeat in the First Step. I’ve struggled with simpler decisions in life — what socks go with this shirt.

When I was new I didn’t really understand the whole “turn our will and our lives over” part. I was like how the hell do you do that? I just didn’t understand or get it even…though I knew it had something to do with surrendering. So then one time in a Third Step meeting a guy said what it meant to him was that he lived his life according spiritual principles.

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One of the greatest things about my life right now is that I don’t feel like I owe anybody an apology nor do I feel like anyone owes me one either.

That’s pretty bad ass.

#forgiveness #goteam

Learning to respect myself

Many many years ago I had a “friend” who I’ll call Dick, because that’s what he is.

I met him when I was 25. I had developed a product, but hadn’t gotten anyone to believe in it. I went to trade shows and borrowed booth space from friends, they let me camp out in a corner and meet people there so I could do demos. At one of these shows “Dick” had been given the space next to me. He always talked so loud that the people I talked to couldn’t hear me. He took up my space so I had to stand against the wall and look like an idiot.

…

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago “Dick” showed up again in my life, this time on Facebook. I had forgotten what a jerk he was.

This is good. I’ve met many a person who was a “Dick” in my life. But this:

Because I’m so forgetful, he actually had a chance for a clean fresh start.

I’ve read Dave Winer’s blog for a long time and I don’t think he’s forgetful. I think instead that he’s a genuinely good person and more importantly, forgiving.

I want to believe that people can change for the better, want to believe that they can and have grown into whole human beings. People deserve fresh starts. With all the dick-ish things I’ve done, I’m always grateful when I’m given another chance.

But also… It’s too easy for me to let that “power of hope” trump the truth of who people are, who they continue to be. I often set myself up to be stung while waving the banner of forgiveness. I can want things to be “okay” to the point where I’m simply in denial.

If people are still dicks after their “sins” have been forgotten then screw ‘em. I blocked one of my brother’s numbers from ringing and dinging my phone a year or so ago. He hadn’t changed and life’s too good when it’s quiet to be dicking around with dicks.

Read more of Dave’s stuff. You won’t be disappointed.

#advancedsoul

Vatican offers ‘time off purgatory’ to followers of Pope Francis tweets

Mindful of the faithful who cannot afford to fly to Brazil, the Vatican’s sacred apostolic penitentiary, a court which handles the forgiveness of sins, has also extended the privilege to those following the “rites and pious exercises” of the event on television, radio and through social media.

#religion #socialmedia

Deep Cleaning | Melody Beattie

It’s not wrong to feel anger but harboring it can have consequences we may not prefer. I want the peace we find to be the kind that results from deep, not surface, cleaning.

Not a fan of the cancer that spawns from forgiveness. It can be radiated with primal scream therapy, however.

#advancedsoul