I contacted USPS only moments ago. Message below:

Hello Postmaster General,

From the cns.usps.com website:

“First-Class Package International Service® is temporarily unavailable on Click-N-Ship®”

Is there an ETA for when it will become available? I so depend on this for shipping customer orders and now have to drive across the world to the local PO.

Thank you for your expediency!

Travis Cremer,
Local celebrity

They gave me a case number afterward: HQ142968321.

I’ll keep you apprised.

#usps

First the USPS website was down. Now somebody has gone and punched the self-serve.

I’m sorry guys, I tried really hard to mail your books. 😞

#photos #usps

📬 #photos #weather #usps

Sometimes when I’m at the post office mailing out the diaries magazine, I leave stickers next to the other forms.

Pay it forward and all that.

#photos #usps

Whoa, I didn’t know this was a thing. I feel like I qualify for Mission Impossible now.

#usps

I don’t know what it is with this street and their mailboxes. It’s like no one is safe.

Kinda like Navin R. Johnson and his cans in The Jerk.

“Stay away from the cans!”

#photos #usps

You guys remember the mailbox comparison I made earlier this month?

Of course you do. So lucky for us the ladder-mailbox has been converted to a trashcan-mailbox. I can’t decide if this is an upgrade or a downgrade. You pick.

I can say that if I worked for USPS I would be hesitant to approach this receptacle. I would be worried that Oscar the Grouch would pop out in all his fuzzy, matted, glory. And man, can that little dude talk. He just goes on and on and nobody can ever get away from him. Nobody.

Worse still, everything he says is negative. Yeah I get it, your life is a wreck and everything sucks but the first thing I would do is move out of the damn garbage can. You can only go up from there.

Okay. I’ve lost interest in all of this. I’m going to put down the mailboxes unless something really unusual happens. Like Bill Murray shows up, collecting mail with a spatula.

Fine. Yes, I did take this photo just a few minutes ago. From my truck as I was driving by. I didn’t even come to a complete stop. However, It is downright gorgeous outside. I’ve been driving my workdesk all day and coming out to these beautiful temperatures really gave a boost to my spirit…so I wasn’t thinking safety first.

Anyways. If you’re still at work get out of there as soon as you can. As fast as you can. Like when there was a fire at the birthday party and George Costanza was pushing over kids and knocking down clowns during his hasty exit. Do that. Or at least keep him in spirit.

And then stop at Blue Goose and get yourself something from the bakery. Anything will do. You deserve it.

#photos #usps

Dear local town folk,

I would like to offer my unfiltered thoughts on these two Geneva mailboxes. Mailboxes that live side-by-side in a whimsical Yin and Yang if you will.

I’ve been watching both for the past few weeks on my drive to work. Never my drive home. I’ll only allow this particular neighborhood to know my comings and not my goings. However, I did circle back on my way home yesterday just to snap these postal slot specimens. In broad daylight.

Okay, yesterday was a foggy afternoon but I risked nearly everything to bring you these photos.

The first full-service mailbox is a timely critter sporting the expected carrot nose and candy cane scarf. There’s even a holly brooch on the hat with red berry and all. If I were a mailman I would probably punch this slightly smirking snowman on the third day.

Of course this may very well have to do with my assumed mental health if I were delivering mail in polar-bear temperatures and I had to look at this two-balled Frosty. One. More. Time.

Okay fine, the snowman ornamental is fun. And since I’m not the one delivering Trader Joe’s Fearless Fliers, I like to imagine this snowman living out a long fancied fantasy of riding a headless, armless, legless, mechanical bull. That also receives handfuls of letters.

Now then, onto the second mailbox. While I do love DIY home improvement as much as the next Bob Villa I can’t cosign this work. The ladder component is fine but obviously the mailbox has had too much to drink and passed out sideways.

But wait! Hold everything. Maybe this mailbox was hit with a baseball bat which would then account for its distress. I tried one of those postal home runs way back when I was living out my rebel teenager-ness. Trust me it’s easier than it looks in the movies. If you try it yourself you’ll look like a moron.

Please note: my bat practice was decades ago in a land far from our beloved Fox Valley. Also note: I’m not the Postmaster General either. I was once. But it was a long time ago. And I don’t like to talk about it anymore. To quote Clark Griswold.

Anyways. If I were a mailman in this second scenario I would climb to the top of the ladder and frisbee the letters into the box similar to Linus when he was mailing his letter to The Great Pumpkin. Although I would leave my blanket at home. The make and model of my blanket is only my business.

So if you indeed do work for USPS, if you’re perhaps the real Postmaster General, and would like to schedule the photoshoot of you in said makeshift, aluminum crows nest, please contact me through the usual channels. First-class mail of course.

Again to clarify for the readers who assume I’m looking down on our community when expressing my opinions — I have no judgment on either mailbox. I’m not criticizing or condemning, merely providing commentary on local items of interest. If you’re either homeowner then salut.

Final thought:

Wasn’t Kevin Costner in some future apocalyptic farce where he just wanted to deliver the mail? Who does that?

#photos #holidaycheer #usps

Continued: The mailbox returns →

The work mailman just asked if there was somebody named “Vinny” in our office. He was holding a small package.

I said “nopes” automatically and now I regret that the “doing the right thing” instinct kicked in.

Who is Vinny? Why did he have a package sent to our office way out here in the suburbs? Does he wear a gold chain? How many people has he killed? Can we hang out on his block? Maybe have an espresso? Have I been watching too much Sopranos?

#usps #missedconnections

The mailman drops the mail off in the little reception area here at work.

Fearless Leader just yelled “HI” to him from his office. 🤔

#usps #worknews