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Such a big struggle

tcr! · May 26, 2017 at 7:30 am

Audio (MP3): 20170526 - Such a big struggle

Video (MP4): 20170526 - Such a big struggle

Why does life have to be such a big struggle? I feel like I’ve struggled my whole life. Normal people don’t struggle this much. What the fuck is going on?

Some days it feels like I can barely keep my shoes tied and then I have to deal with something else. I haven’t even gotten around to doing my taxes this year. Because I don’t care about taxes and life can often feel like one big responsibility. And I hate responsibility. I don’t feel like I’m good at it.

“How am I supposed to do this?”

I ask the cosmos that a lot.

How we do it I guess is how we do everything else. We do the next “right” thing. And sometimes it doesn’t even have to be the next “right” thing, just the next thing. What’s in front of us. I get dressed. I go to the dentist if I have an appointment. Much of what I do is the next “wrong” thing. But I just keep doing.

Sometimes what I do is be sad. Because life can hurt. Sometimes I shut down internally and do the bare minimum in life. Because that’s all I can do. I lean on you guys because you’re my friends.

And then I remember that life’s a whole lot about experiencing it. And sometimes those experiences last for an hour and sometimes they last for a year. Sometimes those experiences change everything. Inside and out. Sometimes those experiences are shitty, too. There’s nothing we can do but experience them. Get through the struggle as best we can. Sometimes my “getting through it” is graceful and sometimes not. Sometimes I get a little bit ahead, sometimes I’m knocked on my ass for a month.

Sometimes I’ll even mow the yard and sooner or later I’ll get around to paying my taxes. I just do the next thing in front of me and that gets me through this moment. It’ll get me through the next moment, too. More often than not I look for the good in life. Look for the randomly awesome.

Here’s an inside tip: I post pictures with positive messages more for me than for you.

And I pray. Regularly. Ask for the path to become clear. Ask for direction. Ask for strength. That cosmic spirit is guiding us to the next place we’re supposed to be. As typical in life we don’t always get to know “why” and the only thing we need to do is trust that it will be good. Better than what’s came before it. Because it will be.

And lastly… I never wanted to be normal per se, I just wanted life to be easier. But I suspect the people that I think are normal struggle, too.

And lastly 2… I’m not struggling now, just gabbing. πŸ˜‰

#allisnotlost #lettherebehope #diariespodcast #diariesvideo

Monohon · May 23, 2017 at 10:04 am

We just have to take life day by day and lean on those that love you and care about you, You are a good person Travis and everyone has times when it’s hard to get out of bed and do anything but we just have to keep on trying for our selves and for the people we love and cherish!

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 10:34 am

Thanks 😊 Right on with everything you said!

tism tism · May 23, 2017 at 10:38 am

We trade back and forth. Last year you helped us. When you are taking that next step we’re all out here pointingthe flash light or moving chairs out of the way to help you get there.

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 10:56 am

Definitely, you’re guys are some of my most favorite peeps!

Monohon · May 23, 2017 at 12:55 pm

We need to see one another so tell me when you are going to be in Ottumwa!

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 1:42 pm

I’d like to get there in August but be aware I’m not this cool in real life.

Monohon · May 24, 2017 at 2:58 am

Yeah I know lol

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jewel · May 23, 2017 at 11:11 am

Struggling helps you grow and if your not growing your not living. Life is about growing. It always gets worse before it gets better.

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 12:25 pm

Yep, and as I’ve read, “growth is messy” ;)

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Vincenza · May 23, 2017 at 11:36 am

I was thinking recently sometimes I just need to not do the wrong thing. (Unloving thing).

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 12:26 pm

For sure! One of my biggest prayers when struggling is, “please help me not make this any worse”

Vincenza · May 23, 2017 at 1:05 pm

Mine at some difficult times “please save me from myself”…at times when the old subconscious tapes were undermining the positive input I was installing with the help of many friends and mentors. Hang in there no matter what, brother.

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N.Norton · May 23, 2017 at 12:52 pm

Sounds like life’s ups And downs challenges and joy in freedom I know I would never trade where I am with my current life challenges for where I was …God bless 1 foot forward …today is all we really have

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edox edox · May 23, 2017 at 12:57 pm

I feel ya.

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cormanang · May 23, 2017 at 1:59 pm

You are not alone. I never thought adulting would consistently be so hard. But know you are doing it well whether you think so or not.

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 2:54 pm

“Consistently” — how I hate that word. 😊

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DeeDee · May 23, 2017 at 2:02 pm

Sounds like my life. Prayers are a big part. I luv your posts. Helps me smile and laugh. Something I rarely do. Keep moving forward. 😊

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 2:54 pm

Glad you enjoy them!

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 23, 2017 at 3:20 pm

You are not alone. You are surrounded in spirit by peeps that love and care about you. This too, shall pass.

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 6:44 pm

Yep, we never are 😊

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sveagrabarek · May 23, 2017 at 6:52 pm

Even though you do this more for you than us, it helps me too.

tcr! tcr! · May 23, 2017 at 8:26 pm

Good 😊

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klaurindabrey · May 23, 2017 at 9:00 pm

Thanks for sharing. Glad I’m not the only one that struggles like you so eloquently expressed. It seems like one day totally sucks, but the next might be just a little more tolerable. Maybe even great! You reminded me that I’m not alone in the struggle of single family life.

tcr! tcr! · May 24, 2017 at 10:07 am

You are most welcome! And that’s totally true… we’re never alone in our struggles.

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Kris HB · May 24, 2017 at 6:04 am

Me: INHALE…EXHALE🌺🌺
and then have ICE CREAM🍦

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Mona · May 24, 2017 at 7:43 pm

That’s a lotta cheez balls, bruh.

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 26, 2017 at 8:53 am

I love the pic. Very “Devil Chair”.

tcr! tcr! · May 26, 2017 at 9:06 am

Here’s more context to the picture. This was “wrassling” in Portland, Oregon.

Portland Organic Wrestling

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