Why does life have to be such a big struggle? I feel like I’ve struggled my whole life. Normal people don’t struggle this much. What the fuck is going on?
Some days it feels like I can barely keep my shoes tied and then I have to deal with something else. I haven’t even gotten around to doing my taxes this year. Because I don’t care about taxes and life can often feel like one big responsibility. And I hate responsibility. I don’t feel like I’m good at it.
“How am I supposed to do this?”
I ask the cosmos that a lot.
How we do it I guess is how we do everything else. We do the next “right” thing. And sometimes it doesn’t even have to be the next “right” thing, just the next thing. What’s in front of us. I get dressed. I go to the dentist if I have an appointment. Much of what I do is the next “wrong” thing. But I just keep doing.
Sometimes what I do is be sad. Because life can hurt. Sometimes I shut down internally and do the bare minimum in life. Because that’s all I can do. I lean on you guys because you’re my friends.
And then I remember that life’s a whole lot about experiencing it. And sometimes those experiences last for an hour and sometimes they last for a year. Sometimes those experiences change everything. Inside and out. Sometimes those experiences are shitty, too. There’s nothing we can do but experience them. Get through the struggle as best we can. Sometimes my “getting through it” is graceful and sometimes not. Sometimes I get a little bit ahead, sometimes I’m knocked on my ass for a month.
Sometimes I’ll even mow the yard and sooner or later I’ll get around to paying my taxes. I just do the next thing in front of me and that gets me through this moment. It’ll get me through the next moment, too. More often than not I look for the good in life. Look for the randomly awesome.
Here’s an inside tip: I post pictures with positive messages more for me than for you.
And I pray. Regularly. Ask for the path to become clear. Ask for direction. Ask for strength. That cosmic spirit is guiding us to the next place we’re supposed to be. As typical in life we don’t always get to know “why” and the only thing we need to do is trust that it will be good. Better than what’s came before it. Because it will be.
And lastly… I never wanted to be normal per se, I just wanted life to be easier. But I suspect the people that I think are normal struggle, too.
And lastly 2… I’m not struggling now, just gabbing. 😉