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Some great epiphany

tcr! · Jun 17, 2017 at 9:01 am

Vader silhouette

I used to rely on “forever.” Rely on it so much that I didn’t appreciate what was right in front of me. When I think this or that, people or things, or whatever are always going to be there, that life will always be like this… I take it all for granted.

But really for the “rest of my life” I got nothing.. I don’t have anything forever.

So right here, in this very moment, I do my best to remember that I only have this person for “now” and I want to be the best me I can be when I’m with them. Okay, I’m not so spiritual to savor every single moment with ever single friend. It’s more like these chapters, these eras of life — they’re not permanent so I better be here. This era of Maggie being 11, that’s going to go away. She’ll be off to her teenager era soon and I’ll see her less than I already do.

It’s also not that I think people are gonna fall off a cliff or something. A more likely scenario is that we’ll just have different shit going. I’ll be busy, you’ll be busy, and then we won’t see each other anymore. Days will go by, or weeks, and our schedules won’t sync up and then a year later I’ll think of you out of the blue, a heart string will tug with “I miss that guy” or “she was really fun.”

People move on and go their separate ways because that’s what happens. I have a pocket full of friends who I haven’t seen or talked to in eons and then I look them up on Facebook and they’re getting on with their lives, same as me.

So wanna know when I realized the importance of “now” ? It wasn’t when or because I had some great epiphany that life’s too short or fast or that I’m getting older or whatever. It was when I realized I’d hurt somebody. After the fact. Somebody that I truly cared about. Making someone cry is good way to have the cosmos snap its fingers at my soul.

Alas, remorse is like a French-horn player in an orchestra: often too late.
—Jeremy Denk, There’s a Skeleton in My Closet, Literally

So there’s that.

Anyways, I make that effort to be a good friend in the here and now simply because I’ve taken too many people for granted and then they left. And then I was really sad because now they’re gone. And generally when people go, they don’t come back. And it’s worse when they’re gone because of something I did, intentionally or not.

Anyways × 2, I don’t have a triumphant climax for this so I’ll borrow somebody else’s.

This morning before the coffee was even ready I was thinking about the movie Scrooged, as I do… Thinking about the ending with Murray’s epiphany.

What are you doing watching television on Christmas Eve?

It’s never too late, peeps. Never too late to say “I’m here, what are we doing?”

#allisnotlost

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