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Aug 14th, 2018 at 6:19:06 pm

tcr! · Aug 15, 2018 at 2:39 pm

Do you ever find yourself in a situation, that you’ve been in before, that you fucked up each and every time?

And then you think to yourself, “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and do my best not to fuck it up this time around.”

I hope so. 😉

#allisnotlost

11 comments

sadiebug92 · Aug 15, 2018 at 3:09 pm

🤚guilty.

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Momma J Momma J · Aug 15, 2018 at 3:24 pm

I’ve never really processed like that. I’ve always been under pressure to do whatever needs to be done without thinking it through - that I’m going to do whatever needed to be done!

tcr! tcr! · Aug 15, 2018 at 4:31 pm

Power through!!

Momma J Momma J · Aug 15, 2018 at 4:45 pm

I guess that’s me!

Momma J Momma J · Aug 15, 2018 at 4:46 pm

short powerful like Mighty Mouse!

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tism tism · Aug 15, 2018 at 3:40 pm

…and I still fuck it up…but less so. :-P

tcr! tcr! · Aug 15, 2018 at 4:30 pm

I’m familiar with the “less so” also 😊

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Aug 15, 2018 at 4:44 pm

I agree with tism

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vinc · Aug 15, 2018 at 10:24 pm

When I play some video games…

tcr! tcr! · Aug 16, 2018 at 7:54 am

Spot on.

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marney0160 marney0160 · Aug 16, 2018 at 7:39 pm

Yup. Especially when John Barleycorn was involved!

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Some great epiphany

tcr! · Jun 17, 2017 at 9:01 am

Vader silhouette

I used to rely on “forever.” Rely on it so much that I didn’t appreciate what was right in front of me. When I think this or that, people or things, or whatever are always going to be there, that life will always be like this… I take it all for granted.

But really for the “rest of my life” I got nothing.. I don’t have anything forever.

So right here, in this very moment, I do my best to remember that I only have this person for “now” and I want to be the best me I can be when I’m with them. Okay, I’m not so spiritual to savor every single moment with ever single friend. It’s more like these chapters, these eras of life — they’re not permanent so I better be here. This era of Maggie being 11, that’s going to go away. She’ll be off to her teenager era soon and I’ll see her less than I already do.

It’s also not that I think people are gonna fall off a cliff or something. A more likely scenario is that we’ll just have different shit going. I’ll be busy, you’ll be busy, and then we won’t see each other anymore. Days will go by, or weeks, and our schedules won’t sync up and then a year later I’ll think of you out of the blue, a heart string will tug with “I miss that guy” or “she was really fun.”

People move on and go their separate ways because that’s what happens. I have a pocket full of friends who I haven’t seen or talked to in eons and then I look them up on Facebook and they’re getting on with their lives, same as me.

So wanna know when I realized the importance of “now” ? It wasn’t when or because I had some great epiphany that life’s too short or fast or that I’m getting older or whatever. It was when I realized I’d hurt somebody. After the fact. Somebody that I truly cared about. Making someone cry is good way to have the cosmos snap its fingers at my soul.

Alas, remorse is like a French-horn player in an orchestra: often too late.
—Jeremy Denk, There’s a Skeleton in My Closet, Literally

So there’s that.

Anyways, I make that effort to be a good friend in the here and now simply because I’ve taken too many people for granted and then they left. And then I was really sad because now they’re gone. And generally when people go, they don’t come back. And it’s worse when they’re gone because of something I did, intentionally or not.

Anyways × 2, I don’t have a triumphant climax for this so I’ll borrow somebody else’s.

This morning before the coffee was even ready I was thinking about the movie Scrooged, as I do… Thinking about the ending with Murray’s epiphany.

What are you doing watching television on Christmas Eve?

It’s never too late, peeps. Never too late to say “I’m here, what are we doing?”

#allisnotlost

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Such a big struggle

tcr! · May 26, 2017 at 7:30 am

Such a big struggle

Why does life have to be such a big struggle? I feel like I’ve struggled my whole life. Normal people don’t struggle this much. What the fuck is going on?

Some days it feels like I can barely keep my shoes tied and then I have to deal with something else. I haven’t even gotten around to doing my taxes this year. Because I don’t care about taxes and life can often feel like one big responsibility. And I hate responsibility. I don’t feel like I’m good at it.

“How am I supposed to do this?” I ask the cosmos that a lot.

How we do it I guess is how we do everything else. We do the next right thing. And sometimes it doesn’t even have to be the next right thing, just the next thing. What’s in front of us. I get dressed. I go to the dentist if I have an appointment. Much of what I do is the next wrong thing. But I just keep doing.

Sometimes what I do is be sad. Because life can hurt. Sometimes I shut down internally and do the bare minimum in life. Because that’s all I can do.

Life’s a whole lot about experiencing it. And sometimes those experiences last for an hour and sometimes they last for a year. Sometimes those experiences change everything. Inside and out. Sometimes those experiences are shitty, too. There’s nothing we can do but experience them. Get through it as best we can. Sometimes my “getting through it” is graceful and sometimes not. Sometimes I get a little bit ahead, sometimes I’m knocked on my ass for a month.

I lean on you guys because you’re my peeps. Sometimes I’ll even mow the yard and sooner or later I’ll get around to paying my taxes. I just do the next thing in front of me and that gets me through this moment. It’ll get me through the next moment, too. More often than not I look for the good in life. Look for the randomly awesome.

Here’s an inside tip: I post pictures with positive messages more for me than for you.

And I pray. Regularly. Ask for the path to become clear. Ask for direction. Ask for strength. That cosmic spirit is guiding us to the next place we’re supposed to be. As typical in life we don’t get to know “why” and the only thing we need to do is trust that it will be good. Better than what’s came before it. Because it will be.

And lastly… I never wanted to be normal per se, I just wanted life to be easier. But I suspect the people that I think are normal struggle, too.

And lastly 2… I’m not struggling now, just gabbing. 😉

#allisnotlost #lettherebehope

2 comments

jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · May 26, 2017 at 8:53 am

I love the pic. Very “Devil Chair”.

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tcr! tcr! · May 26, 2017 at 9:06 am

Here’s more context to the picture. This was “wrassling” in Portland, Oregon.

Portland Organic Wrestling

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Never alone…

tcr! · Apr 7, 2017 at 5:23 pm

I come home from work and nobody’s here. I open the windows and hear the birds chirping. We’re never alone, peeps. ❤️

Never alone… (cont) →

#allisnotlost

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Mar 21st, 2017 at 10:13:47 pm

tcr! · Mar 21, 2017 at 10:13 pm

I’ve finally started sleeping in the middle of the bed.

#allisnotlost

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