So I have this thing that I’ve been doing ever since I was a teenager. It’s not a healthy thing and I’ve struggled to let go of it ever since I stopped drinking.
Most of the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it until after I’ve already done it.
In the last several weeks I realized just how bad the behavior is. How it takes me out of the moment and distracts me from all that I have and all that’s truly important.
So I’ve paying attention in life and seek not to put myself in the situations that prompt my bad behavior in the first place. And I pray for graceful nudges to keep me on the right spiritual path. Me being who I am, it’s all too easy for me to wander off on a self-seeking tangent.
And I’m proud to say that I’ve done fairly well at not doing it.
What is it you may be wondering? That is another very good question but it doesn’t matter.
Anyways, what really sparked my attention to this behavior is that I had somebody do the same thing to me recently. After I’d been doing my best not to do it. And it didn’t feel good. It was a real eye-opener of just how bad it can be when you’re on the receiving end. Karma defined if you will.
And then in related news, what the real story is, is when Sara told me that she didn’t believe in karma.
The notion that karma is false hasn’t left since. Maybe karma is dogma, a made up law to keep people in line for fear of cosmic reprisal.
And then I thought that Sara’s most likely a spiritual revolutionary.
Karma keeps me out of the moment, keeps me waiting for yesterday’s falling dominoes to finally catch up and knock me down in the present. It feeds my suspicion and keeps me thinking that I don’t deserve nice things. Because of the bad things I’ve done.
Karma also gives us a reason “why” and typically that’s never important. To our internal struggles.
What is important is me being the best me that I can be. In the here and now.