I have more questions than answers now.

Source: science.answers.com/…/What_is_the_largest_monument_in_the_US

#lunacy

I just asked my cat if she liked egg salad. She replied with two meows.

I can’t remember if it’s one for bad, two for good. How does Tom Cruise abuse his autistic brother again?

I’ve had four lemon cooler cookies since I got home from work so I guess nothing else matters anymore.

#cats

Do you ever just yawn at life?

#fishbowl

That’s not what my mom said.

#photos #inothernews

Do you ever open the front door, all ready to leave and then stop and say, “I can’t wear this shirt. I look like an animal.”

#photos #fashion

This dude is the sweetest one you’ll ever know.

#photos #pugs

Audio (MP3): 20181002 - Quite possibly hungover

The scene was once again my truck.

I was sitting at a stoplight and a minivan pulled up in the lane next to me.

The wife appeared to be driving and, who I assume to be the husband, was slumped over in the passenger seat. Quite possibly hungover. Renounced pathetic in his silence and downward, saddened gaze.

The engrossing part of this travel tale was that she was scolding him with both hands and all that. Arms flailing. Eyes furious. Teeth gnashing. Murderously chewing his ass upside and down there behind their minivan windows.

This would be a day I would not ever forget if I were him. The guy looked defeated as he sat there frumpily slumped. Acceptive of whatever verbal beating his wife was handing down.

I don’t know if he fucked the dog last night or what, but guys, this dude was in trouble. 😯

#trafficnews #relationships #diariespodcast

Audio (MP3): 20181002 - The case of the conspicuous lawn furniture

One time when I was drinking I put a lawn chair in the middle of the yard that runs along the side of my house. My thought was that it’d be the perfect spot to keep tabs on the neighbors from a slightly covert location.

A couple days later when I was sober I remembered the lawn chair and returned it to the back deck. I felt somewhat embarrassed afterward as it was a somewhat embarrassing place to have lawn furniture. Sitting shamefully in the grass along the side of the house.

If you ever see a guy sitting in a lawnchair in his side yard, it would be safe to assume he’s drunk.

#alcoholism #homeimprovement #diariespodcast

Peeps, in case you need a pick me up on this millionth gray day in a row, here’s these dudes.

Also, I put tater-tots in black bean quesadillas last night. FTW.

#photos #flowers

Xxxxx:

I’m having a problem importing this CSV.

Me:

Could you send me the file so I can have a look?

Xxxxx:

It’s big! Do you still want me to send it?

Me to myself:

On second thought, my day will be a lot easier if you didn’t send it. We could pretend like this whole conversation never happened. You can go on playing your cat and mouse games with the other poor saps who dare to have a conversation with…

Xxxxx:

Here’s the big file.

Me:

That’s the XLS file. You originally said you were having problems with the CSV.

Xxxxx:

No, I’m having problems with the Excel. I’ve attached the ZIP file.

Me:

Loses all hope for humanity. Deletes conversation. Closes laptop. Sets it on fire.. 🔥🔥

#worknews #allislost