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Hi Floyd, my name is Rick

tcr! · Apr 19, 2019 at 12:39 pm

Hi Floyd, my name is Rick

Floyd, be sure to call Rick I a.m. when you get a chance.

#doctorfloyd #missedconnections

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Floyd, thanks for applying

tcr! · May 23, 2018 at 2:18 pm

Floyd thanks for applying

#doctorfloyd #helpwanted

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State Farm calls for Floyd

tcr! · Apr 24, 2018 at 5:26 pm

State Farm calls for Floyd

Seriously, they never stop.

#doctorfloyd #missedconnections

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Floyd Dunn, Director of the Bioacoustics Research laboratory

tcr! · Jan 24, 2018 at 6:49 pm

Dr. Floyd Dunn

I answered a phone call from Troy, NY because I’m in a grump mood. But the cosmos saved me from myself (again) and the caller was nice, just doing research for a student body, something or another.

Since Floyd was fresh in my mind, I put on my Dr. Jones’ fedora and probed her for details. My main takeaway was that it sounded like Floyd had worked in education.

Dr. Floyd Dunn, I have you now.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Floyd_Dunn

Floyd Dunn (April 14, 1924 – January 24, 2015) was an American electrical engineer who made contributions to all aspects of the interaction of ultrasound and biological media. Dr. Dunn was a member of Scientific Committee 66 of the National Council on Radiation Protection and Measurements as well as many FDA, NIH, AIUM, and ASA committees. He collaborated with scientists in the UK, Japan, China and Post-Soviet states.

Too bad you really are dead. I would’ve liked to know you. Maybe given you a call, shared insurance quotes and acoustic radiation detection.

Okay, I’m not 100% this is my Floyd but this guy’s a doctor who once lived in Illinois. Out of all the Dr. Dunn’s I researched, I feel this is the most likely. Doctors like to be online. They like to be found.

#doctorfloyd #missedconnections

2 comments

keamoose keamoose · Jan 24, 2018 at 8:03 pm

I’m weirdly sad about this.

tcr! tcr! · Jan 24, 2018 at 8:28 pm

Yeah… me, too. Floyd has been a barb in my side for many months. But seeing his face turned him into a human.

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Why I never answer my cell phone

tcr! · Jan 23, 2018 at 9:29 am

Audio (MP3): 20180123 - Why I never answer my cell phone

A few years back someone by the name of Floyd inadvertently gave my cell number to his insurance agent. And then that domino’ed into my number getting on every insurance company’s call list.

I’ve tried being nice to them, tried asking them to put me on their DO NOT call list. I’ve tried being mean, tried being funny, tried all sorts of things to get them to just stop. I even told them for a while that Floyd was dead and didn’t need insurance anymore.

But once you get on any kind of insurance call or mailing list, you’re screwed. You might as well throw your phone in a dumpster, shave your head, and go live the monkeys. It won’t matter that you’re not Floyd. They’ll find you and call you from Troy, NY and from Arlington, MA and from La Grange, IL and from even from La Habra, CA.

Same goes for car dealerships. I get about five emails a week asking if I want to renew the manufacturer’s warranty for the Nissan Cube I bought in 2011. They’ll even throw in a free oil change. I don’t even own the Cube anymore. Last sales guy that called me, I told him that Cube was the biggest piece of shit I’d ever owned.

Please note: this is why I never answer my cell phone. Even if the caller ID says that you’re in my contacts, I won’t believe it. One time an incoming call came up with my mom’s number and it turned out to be Jaclyn Smith. Okay, that’s a lie but man, did you guys ever watch her in Charlie’s Angels? Never mind, Jaclyn has nothing to do with Floyd.

Jaclyn Smith - Charlie's Angels

I looked up Floyd once on my lunch break. I can’t remember his last name but I do remember that he is/was a doctor. Dr. Floyd. Probably watching Netflix and filing out a GEICO car insurance quote and then typo’ed his cell number. That’s the kinda thing that happens when all your appointments get filled for the day and you throw a fit.

I don’t know if Dr. Floyd is still alive or not. He’s dead to me. Him and the insurance he rode in on.

Anyways, below is a script I tend to use if I’m feeling feisty and an unknown caller rings me for Floyd.

Season to taste but use your best southern goofball accent:

“Floyd? Well no, Floyd can’t come to the phone right now. He’s over in county lockup. He’s framed a course. He didn’t steal those 12 quarts a syrup like Randy said. He knew about Randy’s plan ahead a time but jus knowin’ don’t make ya a maple thief!

I don’t really blame ol’ Randy for wanting to steal all that syrup. Boy, I do like that, that syrup from the Walmart.”

If the caller is still with me I continue with:

“Well hell, ya probably jus wanna talk with Floyd. If ya got a pen I can give you his address over at county.

What was your name again? Ya sound familiar. Were ya at the Earlville Country Club last weekend?”

PS- If I go off on a Charlie’s Angels tangent for a few days, this is why.
PS×2- instagram.com/helloitsjaclyn/

#doctorfloyd #missedconnections #diariespodcast

1 comment

tcr! tcr! · Jan 23, 2018 at 3:46 pm

Looks like Floyd is looking to expand his doctoral operations out west 🤔

Floyd is looking to expand his doctoral operations

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