When you know you hate your neighbor: when you don’t go outside to shovel from the last blizzard because their little dog has been barking up its own storm for the last hour. And you’ve also opened the door to specifically yell, “shut the fuck up” at that little dog.
The Facebook app put an ad for Lays right above your post, and then when I opened Facebook on the computer, there was an ad for Pringles. That one extra chip has totally taken over the algorithm!!
When I got to the place where I couldn’t stand myself anymore, where I didn’t want to be the person I’d always been. And not do the same things I’d always done, I can see now that’s when I had reached the breaking point.
The pain of being me had broken my very soul. Fuck.
It wasn’t the drinking, it wasn’t ever the drugs. It was me. It wasn’t the traffic or the other drivers. It wasn’t other people at all. Well, it was some of those people…but when that blanket of denial was pulled back just far enough I could see, when a light came on that cast a clarity almost too bright on what I’d been doing to myself nothing ever looked the same again in the days after.
Thinking back to that moment and all the desperate, frantic pain, tortured to tears, completely sober and sick of being myself, that’s when I turned a corner and walked down a path I’d only heard other people talk about.
Add a comment
Post