Audio (MP3): 20171017 - There's a gentleman we'll call Gary

So we all know that our phones are a huge part of our lives. We take them pretty much every where. They say that they’re generally the first thing we look at in the morning and the last thing we look at before going to sleep.

However, I’ve came across a situation where another’s phone usage has me bepuzzled and I wanted to get the worldly consensus. Yes, I realize that virtually all people will be looking at this post on their phones, and yes, that may skew the results but I acknowledge this and will persist.

There’s a gentleman we’ll call Gary. I doubt if the gentleman is actually named Gary but he very well could be. If so, it’s purely coincidental. Also, this man is not your friend or relative named Gary. No, I don’t know your uncle Gary or your boss Gary. Finally, I don’t have any friends that go by Gary. Which is why I chose this name. Well, I actually chose it because after Bruce Wayne retired along came a Batman named Gary^[1] of all things. I was rather disappointed that the writers chose “Gary” because it does not compare to the power that comes from saying an almighty name such as “Bruce.” Also, if your name is Gary I’m sorry but you cannot be Batman.

Anyways, back to the man I have aliased Gary. I’ll get right to it…

Gary was watching a movie trailer in the public restroom at work a few moments ago. He was hidden within the stall but his phone did indeed bellow with the cellos and sing with the strings and pound with the pianos, and all in such a way that I knew whatever action-packed movie Gary was previewing was gonna be good. I felt a smidge frantic because I hadn’t anything but the movie music to go on. How in the world would I find this movie in Fandango later? Shazam was obviously out of the question.

But once the audible excitement of whatever film Gary was trailering had worn off, I felt disheartened, disenfranchised, disengaged, dis and more dis. Almost like I’d shared a moment with Gary that, not only I shouldn’t have, but also that I didn’t really want to. Sure, I get sucked into movie magic as much as the next Doug…but once I was washing my hands firmly back in reality, I knew beyond a doubt that I don’t want to have any kind of moments with Gary in a public restroom. Ever again.

With public restrooms I think people should get in and get out. And more importantly: let strangers get in and out as well. If you’re going to watch the YouTubes or whatever at least keep your phone on silent so you don’t suck others in. Better still, don’t make any sounds at all. Don’t grunt, gasp, or sigh. If possible, hold your breathe. Remain mysterious. Elusive. Don’t give the other guests any clues as to who you are or what you’re doing. You could very well be Bruce Wayne or Selina Kyle. Use your anonymity to your advantage!

Okay, so I’m not like everybody. I don’t like making noises or chit-chatting with strangers while visiting the communal washrooms. If you do, that’s fine. I won’t judge. To each their own. You got the right to do your business.

So my question…

Since Gary was watching and listening to his phone in the restroom, publicly filling the airwaves with theatrical music for all, would it have been appropriate for me to say, “Sounds pretty good, what movie is that?”

#socialproblems #movienews #publicrestroom #diariespodcast

1. Editor’s note: there wasn’t a Batman named Gary. Terry was his name. I’ve gone too far to change it now. ↑