Overheard at a meeting…

I have very real feelings about things I have truly made up.

🦠 #anxiety

I get that people can hurt our feelings. And I also get that we need to tell people that what they’re doing hurts our feelings. And then I also get that often times people will keep on doing those things regardless of what we’ve said.

That’s just par for the life course. Our jobs are simply to speak up for ourselves and then get on with our lives, changing course as needed, and so on.

But what’s frustrating to me is when I wake up and the shit’s still on my mind. That’s the worst.

“Just get over it already” plays on loop in my head.

This really speaks to how I just can’t use formulas to navigate life. I can know all the answers and do all the right things but I still have to feel my feelings.

Happy April Fools!

😊 #anxiety

Fuck it. I’m eating lunch even if it ain’t noon.

#anxiety

Audio (MP3): 20180313 - Why are these people standing so close to me?

For much of my life I’ve been internally combustible and physically uncomfortable. I felt ill and under and unequipped just being human. Even trying to be human. Too much shit gurgling in my stomach. Never ending mallet beating my heart. Intestines put on backwards and inside out. My thoughts whirling and jerking back and forth by some restless, mechanical bull.

I’m melodramatic, I know.

Read more →

Audio (MP3): 20170517 - Like a june bug

Video (MP4): 20170517 - Like a june bug

I’m not psychic but my anxiety tells me that I am. Usually when “I know” someone’s up to no good (without any evidence), they’re not.

It’s the shit from left field that I’m not expecting that zaps my serenity. As an example: when you say happy Mother’s Day and you get the cold shoulder. Not what I was expecting.^[1]

Best thing for me to do when my ESP flares up is just to keep my mouth shut. Let things play out without interfering. Stomping down the wrong path because “I know” turns me into that person who’s up to no good.^[2]

I can deal with the zappers^[3] because when I’m being the best me that I can, I know the cold shoulders aren’t about me. It might take me a few minutes to find my spiritual footing and regain my truth but it’s there if I cosmic pause and look for it.

I can also be a little more wary of those people who are legitimately known to be up to no good. No reason to be casting the pearls. People can be careless and reckless. I needn’t let them spoil my fun.

I shouldn’t spoil my own fun either.

#anxiety #protip #diariespodcast #diariesvideo

1. Ya, expectations 🙄 ↑

2. Jello Biafra once sang, ”your emotions make you a monster.” Ain’t that the truth. ↑

3. metaphoric electrocutor traps ↑