Audio (MP3): 20190625 - Get up and brush my teeth

I struggle in life more than I’d like to admit. I get frustrated when I need to tie my shoes. I’m restless just living.

I do better when I’m around people but am prone to isolate. I never think about drinking anymore but will make myself sick on licorice.

If I don’t have a big art project in the works I don’t feel complete. I’ll often burn through months building and then burn myself out with the pens and the paints. Then I’ll only want to play video games for weeks on end.

I brush my teeth two to three times a day and then rinse with peroxide. And then use my water pick with three fingers of alcoholic mouthwash in the reservoir. I’m interested in thoroughness.

I don’t like that I can never get the fan oscillation just right and will often wonder what I’m supposed to be doing in life. Because so far I feel like I get really close but the finish line is for those other guys.

It’s like practicing for a play, memorizing all the lines, rehearsing every morning, afternoon, and night. And then when the curtains open only a few people have shown up.

I put on Ludovico or Baroque or Stephen West so I can listen while falling asleep. Then I won’t think and will drift off to soothing piano keys and calming violins and communism.

But I think anyway. I write notes like these in my phone. Sometimes they’re spiritual and fruity. Other times they’re not. The fan blows so loud I can’t hear the music.

And then the cat jumps on me and I get up and brush my teeth again.

I’m not even kidding.

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