Sea Lions 1, Fake Orca 0

Much like LeBron James, the fake orca of Astoria has failed in his mission to fix all the problems of one town on his own.

The fiberglass orca captivated the world as a solution to the growing number of sea lions who have taken over Astoria’s docks, blocking locals from their boats. But when it finally launched this morning after engine trouble delayed its inaugural float, the once-proud fake orca, which was actually a boat with a man inside, was pushed over by the wake of a passing ship.

“Our crew from the port had to go rescue the operator so he didn’t drown,” said Jim Knight, executive director of the Port of Astoria, according to KOIN News.

I really need to get in on masterminding schemes such as this.

First off, I wouldn’t have let it be referred to as “fake orca” — I would’ve went with U-Orca-Boat.

Second off, I probably shouldn’t be allowed access to the whole Internet while at work.

#meanwhile