I had to say something with the same feeling if not exactly the same words last week. My trouble is I get wrapped up in it. I’m way past feeling sorry for anonymous idiots I don’t have to ever see or at least not see that much, but I’m not past feeling a sense of doom when I realize that when they are in their own backyard, not everyone knows they’re an idiot. It is a fairly recent phenom for me that I am very secure that I am right when I speak or write about my field, but my newfound security brings with it an inherent new insecurity of it’s own. I worry what’s going to happen if they do something wrong. I don’t usually have to fix it, but sometime I do. I’m worried that the fugg up might not be fixable with what we have on hand. I’m worried that the fallout will be worse than we expected.

TLC: It is me, jimi! I am still sober. Can we chat on this format later tonight? I am stark raving. I will available after 11pm. For at least an hour.

Yep, work can be a gamble… should I do the right thing and feel confident of the outcome -or- should I not wipe somebody’s ass for the fifth time and see how it plays out? I think that’s the gist of your first comment.

Tomorrow evening would be better for me. Are you up for a call then?

And congrats on the still sober 🎉

I’d like to talk but it’s catch as catch can with the phone here at work. It’d have to be after 11. There’s a slim chance I’ll get called off and in that case it’d be great. Also, it amounts to this: I am still sober but I’d like to want to be. I don’t have that. I haven’t had that in forever. It comes from hitting a low bottom and needing it and wanting it because I need it kind of desperation, which I have but I’m not all that happy with. No one can zap it into me.

Wanting to be sober is a whole lot about gratitude, being grateful for the good. I plug into that, grab ahold of the meaning in life and it’s hard for me to want to put it down.

I can think about consequences and ill fates all day long but none of that ever stopped me from doing the wrong thing. Best if I focus my energies on being the best me I can in the here and now and doing the right thing.

I read once that children learn better through rewards than punishments. Feed them positives kinda thing. Same goes for me.

Go ahead and ring me tonight and I’ll answer if I’m awake. I can be hit or miss after 11pm though 😊