I haven’t been on the train for five minutes and the guy next to me after taking a drink of his coffee whispered satisfying to himself, “Oh Jesus.”

I’m going to throw his traveling coffee mug out the window. He keeps screwing the lid on and off, all the way up and all the way down. I can hear the rubber seals straining each time he needs a drink. Apparently the overly complicated lid with its pulleys, levers, and hinges is too much for one man.

He just pulled out a Tupperware with six hard boiled eggs. I’ll wager he pounds all six down — he *is* wearing sunglasses after all.

It didn’t get really bad until he took off his shoes and then asked the train conductor how fast we were going.

I KNOW him! Did the pharts have a significant malty nose? Dirty laundry, tobacco smoke, too many pets with too little square footage and a yeast infection. Am I right? Cleetus. Cleetus Johnson. And the eggs were brown.