Lot of peeps here think i unconventionally ‘won’ the game & therefore will b around til i give up the ghost. Regional Mgr. who is decent friend say few day ago, ‘after a while person prove 2 me their worth-cant do no wrong & u planning on dying here, right? B4 i could say ‘no’ he talking bout me making some ‘real money’ & cutting my hair & wearing one of their’ fruitloop shirts & khakis. He dont get it. I like the job cause i was autonomous, got paid 2 exercise & if spirit moved me practice presence n morn & make floor shiny & plus n some way i dont completely understand pay ‘homage’ 2 art. The Revs & many @ church r real friends but been talking of me on committees & ‘think tank’ 4 how 2 greet & treat new potential members. I just like being still, nice,

& going cause it has good spiritual ‘happy’ feel, peeps aint ‘whacked’ on jesus like some sort of bad meth & Rev was good counselor 4 me when i really needed one. Believe jesus name came up bout 3 times n first yr of sessions :^). Howev, 4 me 2 get entrenched n a cause that still ultimately spiritually one dimensional & can significantly limit their growth-isnt my primary purpose-if they started paying me that would make it even worse. I can move comfortably within different socio-economic, cultural, racial & religious groups & i have started attracting & do not want 2 promote & could not lie 2 people that this was the totality of my belief system-cause closed systems inevitably lead 2 spiritual atrophy then decay. I hope they remember reason they liked

me n 1st place was i WAS different & told rev & others my beliefs sometimes were comforting but my actual spirittual shifts or experiences were life-altering & when that happens u r far less belief oriented & thrust n2 a realm where u KNOW. Regardless, i could prattle on n this way about mom, Andrew Carnegie Foundation, Library howev with u-ive already said more than enuf. U ‘get it’ I have plateaud with good i can do here & 2 keep doing it would b redundant. Which doesnt mean i dont hold this place n high regard & the x, fellowship & freedom i was alloted will never b 4gotten. Its just x 2 find more teachers & students & n some way that goes beyond words…2 move on. I love u, life should not be an endurance test. & as always more will be revealed.

In human terms of conventional life I passed point of safe return long x ago. U have not. There’s old Zen proverb that I think is sound enuf 4 u 2 think bout evry once & awhile whether u stay put or ‘let go & become one with the wind’ It say, do not seek 2 follow n the footsteps of the Masters of old, instead, seek what they sought :^)

#messaging #sgc