Last night, my patient pissed the bed. He was in his early 60’s, and I seriously wonder if he did it due to laziness. When people get fat enough, I think we should make ‘em crawl on all fours until they’re ready to join the human herd again.

I’m through with all this namby pamby treatment of people that get on my nerve.

My other pt? She was a Sasquatch. I’m not shitting. Never let anyone tell you they don’t exist because this is about the 3rd one I’ve done a sleep study on. I noticed she was moving because the squiggly lines on my screen were wiggling, so I looked at the video of her. She was feeding. Her face. She had her head stuck in a grocery bag and it looked for all the world like a small gorilla with its head stuck in something.

The sounds were enough to make you gag, except to me it was kinda funny, in a really bent and twisted way. No shit, if you spelled the sounds she was making it would be, “Snork, snork, gobble gobble, smak!” And this morning when I got her up, she said something to me that was dialect of English that was very close to snork, snork etc.

She either said she needed to leave in search of food or that she was going to eat the carpet if I didn’t hurry up and turn her loose, I couldn’t tell which.

#medical