This morning on my walk  to work I was struggling with my usual aches and pains. Made me briefly think about having someone dump me in a burlap sack and throw me in the trunk of their car. Not kidnap. Just escape.

I envisioned a fantastic trip cross country where they would let me out periodically to enjoy the occasional roadside diner or giant ball of twine. All it would take is a coupla shot gun blasts to the trunk for breathin’ holes and I’d be set. Plus I wouldn’t need any fancy carpeting in the trunk.. The rusted metal and smell of gas would keep me happy.

The quintessential road trip is something I’ve missed out on. Mostly because I don’t drive. It seems like a rite of passage for all folks to pack up and disappear for a month.

Of course the downside of the trunk trip is always:

“I feel the motion of the car before I open my eyes.
The air is blue-black, brown-black, black-black.
Smell of gas, oil, animals.
I’m in the trunk.

My wrists and ankles tied.
Tape over my mouth
it almost covers my nose
but I can breathe barely.
I must have been here for hours,
everything’s stiff and my head throbs
like someone’s drumming on china.

The car stops.
He turns off the motor — but there are no traffic sounds.
No people sounds. No wind. What place has no wind?
I turn my head towards the sounds
like people watch radios when something terrible happens.

My palms are sweating. Where am I?
The trunk squeaks as he lifts it up and the sun blinds me.
He almost looks like a faceless Jesus surrounded by light.
He pulls me out of the trunk and bangs my head against the door.
I try to cry out, but it comes like a hum.”

To be fair I have had just as creepy a time in the front seat.

I got a ride back to town when I was about 14. Had to cross a toll bridge and was trying to walk it when a car pulled over and offered me a ride. An older driver asked me what I was doing out at 2am and other simple chit chat while we were mid bridge. Then out of the blue he says “So…are you horny?”  My brain went in to overload as I tried to calmly answer and not have him turn psycho. Fortunately for me he just shrugged, said OK and dropped me on the other side.

I reflect on that occasionally when I think my life sucks.

#confessional