The Programmer’s Dream (A Ramble)

We spend a good deal of our time working on code we didn’t write for software we didn’t create, much of which we believe is horribly written (or, at least, could be done much better). We dream of a chance to start fresh, working from scratch on a brand new piece of software that will eventually become something someone else has to work on and believes is horribly written.

All of the programmers I’ve ever known have not only thought in-depth about their code but also life itself. They seem to be in tune with the intimate details regardless of the “project.” The psychological inner workings of the mannequins and the machines.

I may have wrote about this before but I was thinking about it again last night. And then reading the article brought it up yet once more. Life has taught me not to ignore those coincidentals. I have a good deal of respect for my parents but they’re not the god-likes as they were when I was a kid.

A therapist told me once that I needed to confront my parents on something that happened when I was young, something they both played a part in. I had thought I was long past it but after hearing encouragement from Dr. G., I decided to call both parents independently.

Both conversations were hard for me and for them, lots of choked back tears over the phone. I was somewhat amazed how apologetic both were and much healing came as the result for all parties.

But… I think the biggest takeaway for me was that even though I knew both were only human in my childhood, I realized/internalized how much children put their parents on that god-pedestal, how it can feel like the hand of god coming down to the child and only day-in and day-out life to the parent.

Reading the article made me wonder for the ninth time at what age Maggie will see that I’m a flawed.

#confessional