Audio (MP3): 20180921 - Withholding the Cheese Puffs
Guys, I just witnessed a heated couples exchange inside one of our local Walgreens.
A man was outright denying his wife of her Friday snacks because apparently she “already had her daily allotment of cheese puffs.”
She then retorted or snorted, “Oh no, I’m a get my cheese puffs” with the bitterness you’d expect of dreams shattered in full view of the other drugstore patrons.
I can see both sides really. I mean they sell a 20 ounce plastic tumbler of them (Market Pantry brand) at Super Target so they must be good. On the other hand… Well, I can’t think of another hand. I can’t come up with one good valid reason to deprive your girl of cheese puffs if she wants cheese puffs. You won’t get lucky tonight withholding their fluffy orange texture.
Anyways, I thought for sure she was gonna hook his leg with her cane and send him to the floor in a crumpled heap of senior citizen. I’m sure it wouldn’t be the first time.
I grabbed my receipt from the cashier and made my least hasty exit. The couple then disappeared down the food + drinks aisle so I have no finale for this yarn. Sorry.
And now as I sit in the Walgreens parking lot on the corner of State Street and wherever I am, I’m enjoying these sweet, first, few drinks of this refreshing can (16 ounce) of Coca-Cola. It’s not the good stuff that the aforementioned Super Target imports from Mexico but it’ll do on this Friday afternoon.
Anyways 2, happy weekend everybody. I hope this is your best one yet.
ahrens · Sep 21, 2018 at 6:04 pm
What’s up with the branch with leaves on it in your car? 😉
tcr! · Sep 21, 2018 at 6:12 pm
I got it at the second Nightmare on Chicago Street I ever went to up in Elgin. It was laying on the ground in its own crumpled heap of plastic greenery as I was making yet another of my least hasty exits. When I got back to my truck I stuck it into my cigarette lighter outlet thing and it’s lived there ever since… 🌿
tcr! · Sep 21, 2018 at 6:41 pm
WAIT. That’s a lie. It’s not in the cigarette lighter outlet. It’s in the keyhole next to it that controls the airbags!
I didn’t want to run the risk that this garden-variety plastic ivy one would find at your neighborhood Joann’s art and craft store would catch fire.
In related news… One time I put my truck key in the keyhole, hoping it would open the door way to Narnia. But alas there was no such transportation reward. Only shed tears in the salty realization that I would indeed have to go to work. 😢
ahrens · Sep 21, 2018 at 7:14 pm
Thank you for your honesty. My first thought was maybe it was eucalyptus and you had a koala bear. That would be pretty rad. Please know, I do not judge a man’s greenery he keeps in his car.
McIntyre 13 · Sep 21, 2018 at 10:37 pm
This thread makes me smile. 😁 Or maybe it’s just my muscle relaxant kicking in. Either way thanks for the laugh guys
tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:29 am
My two cents but the koala ain’t a stranger to muscle relaxants.
Shari H · Sep 21, 2018 at 6:16 pm
Look…if you’re gonna feed us interesting tidbits on conversations overheard. You’re gonna hafta stick around for the ending. You’re public depends on you!
Roda · Sep 21, 2018 at 6:18 pm
MFer, don’t mess with my comfort food after a hard day on a Friday.
Redmondton · Sep 21, 2018 at 6:41 pm
Pint can legit, strong work
Murisa DM · Sep 21, 2018 at 7:43 pm
Are you an author? You should write a book… your stores are so funny and so well written.
tcr! · Sep 21, 2018 at 9:04 pm
I regularly submit my stuff to publishers, etc. but so far nobody’s been interested. 🙄
Finkler · Sep 21, 2018 at 10:24 pm
I loved this!!
We do love our cheese puffs tho..
Pad Nevin · Sep 21, 2018 at 11:02 pm
Literally clicked the comment section just to ask this question. Past few posts I read are the most simplest interactions that can and likely happen daily and you make it interesting to read.
tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:11 am
tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:34 am
I write more serious stuff, too.
ahrens · Sep 21, 2018 at 8:00 pm
Walgreens is always located at the corner of HAPPY and HEALTHY, not State and “whatever”
tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:27 am
I don’t know. I go into the St. Charles’ Walgreens on the corner of Main Street and Sweet Tomatoes a couple times a week and there’s one cashier that’s borderline anti-happy.
Seriously, she asks for my Walgreens Rewards card each and every visit regardless of how many times I’ve said, “Listen shopping gestapo, you’re not tracking how many sodas I buy in the name of steep discounts and customer perks!”
Well, my wit’s not that quick in public or under Freddie’s pressure so that’s what I like to think I’ll say the next time I’m standing in her aisle as she’s questioning the cards in my wallet and reviewing a 3” ecig box with a scrupulous monocle, flipping the box over and over again looking for the 2” barcode.
It’s on the fracking back where 90% of the barcodes in the world are!!!
ahrens · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:14 am
Ok. First, Henry is my homie. He is so nice.
Next, ecigs are bad news. When you know better, you do better. You have one set of lungs, take care of them.
Finally, I use my bucks on Cheetos 😂
Mustari Jones · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:27 am
ahrens, you are friggin killing me. 😂🤣
Mustari Jones · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:29 am
This is LITERALLY the best thing on the internet this weekend.
ahrens · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:34 am
This is such a deep conversation, right? Love it.
ahrens · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:44 am
Perhaps Walgreens is not your scene. For all of the times I have entered my rewards number, I have yet to be rewarded. CVS is where it’s at. Once you get over the fact that your receipt is as long as 3 football fields, you realize you win the lotto during every shopping experience. I earn all of these bucks for whatever reason and I just roll with it. Some people are addicted to crack and/or bath salts but CVS is my weakness.
tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 3:38 pm
There’s this dude named Henry that works at the CVS close to my house. He’s worked there ever since I moved to my neighborhood back in the 00s. He, too, asks for my CVS card every time I see him. Even if we’re not in CVS. One time I was out feeding homeless children on the upper west side on a sunny Saturday, not unlike today. Henry pulled up, in what I assume to be his blue BMW and Keanu shades, and said, “CVS card…” in his oh so cool Nigerian accent.
I might spring for a CVS card if they sold ecig paraphernalia by the pound but they seem to be anti-nicotine these days. And then they got those midget shopping carts that people still insist on filling up like their at Costco on Randall.
Regardless, the real question is what do you do with all your earned bucks? Do they automagically discount your next receipt when you go in?
ns kraut · Sep 21, 2018 at 9:52 pm
That will be me and my husband in 30 years. He already tells me i can’t get more cheese its. I need a cane…
tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 8:14 am
You could probably buy one at Walgreens. If not, Riley Drug (also on State Street and whatever) carries them. I’ve tried their canes out. Clean finish, solid construction, helpful staff.
Steer Steerup · Sep 23, 2018 at 9:15 am
She’s diabetic and shouldn’t have carbs. He cares about her.