Me: Alexa, play WBEZ.
WBEZ: Coronavirus cases in Illinois have surpassed 1,000 and now includes an infant.
Me: Ugh. Alexa, play WNYC.
WNYC: Mayor Blasio said that the city’s 11 public hospitals have a week before they run out of life-saving equipment and medical supplies to treat patients with COVID-19.
Me: Well good. Alexa, play WFPL.
WFPL: There are 103 people with positive coronavirus tests in Kentucky as of Sunday evening. Three people have died as a result of the coronavirus.
Me: No. No corona. Alexa, play StarTalk Radio.
StarTalk Radio: On this episode of StarTalk Radio, we sit down with Dr. Irwin Redlener, Director of the National Center for Disaster Preparedness, to discuss everything we need to know about the Coronavirus…
Me: What the holy fuck? Alexa, play Science Friday.
Science Friday: Experiencing COVID-19 information overload? Two experts offer clarity on the studies taking over news headlines this week…
Me: Dude, you’re part of the fucking problem. All of you. You’re killing me here with this, the endless corona train of viral lunacy. I just want normal talk radio for like five fucking minutes.