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Cleaning the stove at 5:17 pm on a Friday

tcr! · Jan 19, 2018 at 5:17 pm

Audio (MP3): 20180119 - Cleaning the stove at 5:17 pm on a Friday

Cleaning the stove at 5:17 pm on a Friday

I’ll get to the picture in a minute. The real question is why am I having 2 to 3 bowel movements a day on average? Is it my diet? My posture? My sleep schedule? My collection of fine leather pirate boots?

I’m just kidding. I don’t poop that often. Really, it’s none of your business.

But what I’m not kidding about is the phrase “bowel movement.” The next time I hear someone utter those two words together I’m gonna lose it. And then puke.

Nobody should say that ever. You either poop or you take a shit. And which you do depends on the urgency.

I even had to school my dentist on this fact. Well, I didn’t really but I will if the situation ever comes up.

My mom used to say it to me all the time when I was a kid. Because she’s a nurse. And that’s what they do. But it’s 2018 so stop saying that. Everybody.

That phrase is too many syllables for kids anyways. They just wanna take a dump (that works, too) and get back to playing Berserk on Atari. They don’t ever want to know what’s going on inside their bodies — if it’s the bowels or the intestines or any of that other internal plumbing. They got kid stuff to do.

Now then. As to why I tore apart the top of my stove in a cleaning OCD fit on a Friday night after work… I have no idea. I guess that’s what you do when you’re me.

And then in the middle of my scrub frenzy I gotta poop and I’ll be damned if these two horrible words didn’t pop into my head like Satan from the bowels of Hell. So I want to put an end to all of that.

I’m not knocking my mom or the other healthcare professionals. Those are the kind of things that they say. And if they want to continue to say them, they should do it within the confines of their workspace.

Leave us normal people to poop in peace.

#ocd #poop #protip #diariespodcast

fiatlux423 · Jan 19, 2018 at 5:56 pm

Drop a Deuce?

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tcr! tcr! · Jan 19, 2018 at 6:43 pm

Sounds too much like Andrew Dice Clay 🤔

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Hater McGhray Hater McGhray · Jan 19, 2018 at 6:48 pm

Andrew Deuce Clay

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Wilkins · Jan 19, 2018 at 7:43 pm

BM is a term I first heard from a nurse

tcr! tcr! · Jan 19, 2018 at 10:20 pm

Yep, that’s where everybody hears it first.

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Botsford · Jan 19, 2018 at 8:42 pm

Stove looks pretty good

tcr! tcr! · Jan 19, 2018 at 10:20 pm

Thanks!

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Jan 20, 2018 at 12:03 am

I worked at a hospital in Muncie, In called Ball Memorial Hospital. BMH. Bowel Movement Headquarters. Pull my finger is about as far as most of ‘em got in humor school.

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Kelly K · Jan 20, 2018 at 2:44 am

For me what’s worse is when adults say they have to go ‘potty’ about themselves or another adult. I guess it’s fine if you ask a child if they have to go potty, or tell them you’re going potty. But it’s NEVER ok to tell another adult you’re going potty!

fiatlux423 · Jan 20, 2018 at 7:28 am

My old sponsor used to say “I have to tinkle”

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Jan 20, 2018 at 3:08 am

Now I’m thinking of the old Cheech and Chong routine. “Pinch a loaf.”

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Jan 20, 2018 at 3:09 am

Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory talks about moving his bowels.

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tcr! tcr! · Jan 20, 2018 at 2:08 pm

I may have opened a door inadvertently. I can’t participate in these kinds of conversations. Either online or off.

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angeline35 angeline35 · Jan 20, 2018 at 9:01 pm

Its time for the big poop 😊

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Ryan Waters · Jan 21, 2018 at 9:18 am

Oh my God! I’m a nurse and I feel like I’m going to vomit!!!!!!

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jimi hindrance experience jimi hindrance experience · Jan 26, 2018 at 9:52 am

Since I don’t know when, I have used “powder my nose”. It gets the rednecks right by their knecks and even my die hards will still raise an eyebrow. If I’m especially feelin’ it, I will let fly with a “tinkle” or “potty” just to keep men honest.

tcr! tcr! · Jan 27, 2018 at 7:31 am

That’s a good one. I don’t think I ever make a formal announcement. One of the ex’s insisted that all affairs of this nature should remain private to the person in charge. The session manager if you will.

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